How do I break the habit of a mental fetish?
Question:
Hello,
I have recently read the response about the biblical take on fetishes. Everything in the response made complete sense. Thank you for sharing that.
I have been saved since I was 9 years old and I have taken my relationship with Christ very seriously since then. I never had a serious relationship with any woman except the one I eventually married. I never masturbated or fornicated physically and rarely felt the urge to lust mentally or emotionally. However, after I got married, I realized that something was strange to me. To really feel satisfaction during sex, I have to focus on the object of my fetish, which, as strange as it sounds even to me, is diapers. I have never given in to the temptation physically, but I focus on them during sex. The concept does not affect me or control me outside of sex, but after reading the response mentioned before, I feel that this desire needs to be cleared from me. There is no physical contact with a diaper, so I don't know how to refrain from it mentally. This situation seems similar to the individual with the spanking fetish, yet different enough to baffle me as to what to do.
So does the Bible say anything different about my situation? And what steps can I take with God's help to fix it? Thank you for your help!
Answer:
The answer remains the same, though you might not realize it at first. Somewhere along the way, you somehow connected the idea of orgasm to diapers. For our discussion, it really doesn't matter why or how you made such a connection in your mind. The problem is that this object, though imaginary, has been given power over one aspect of your life.
It is harder to control your thought process, especially during sex, but there is a statement that you made that I think is key. You said you needed to think about your fetish to really feel satisfaction during sex. What I want you to notice is that you are focusing on yourself.
What God teaches is that your purpose as a husband is to make your wife sexually happy. "Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does" (I Corinthians 7:3-4). It is considered so important that under the Old Law a husband was excused from any matter that would send him away from home the first year. "When a man has taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war or be charged with any business; he shall be free at home one year, and bring happiness to his wife whom he has taken" (Deuteronomy 24:5). His job was to make his wife happy, and that definitely includes sexual happiness.
So what I would suggest is that you stop thinking that sex is good when you reach orgasm. Instead, I want you to focus on your wife and what she finds sexually fun. Make your thoughts all about making the time a thrill for her. Now, in the process, you are certainly going to get your own thrills, but your acts of sex are for her, not for yourself. By taking your focus off yourself, you will quickly realize that not only you don't need your fetish, but you'll also find sex more intense and more satisfying. That is because God designed the world such that it is better to give than to receive (Acts 20:35), and, strange as it might seem, sex is not an exception to that rule.
Response:
Thank you so much for your response. This is the first response that really makes sense according to Scripture. The Bible is the final authority for everything I believe, and I appreciate your guidance in helping me to better understand my error and how to correct it. As you have mentioned before, I found many sources that suggested fetishes are not sinful and should be embraced. I guess that just goes along with the idea that morality is relative to the individual rather than what is instructed by the inspired Word of God. I may continue to have questions regarding my situation as I seek, with God's help, to correct this sin. Thank you.
