I’m not certain if this girl is the one for me. What do you do in such a situation?
Question:
I attended a singing night at a congregation and I met a young woman. She is a member of the Lord's church. Her mom attends when she is not working. Her grandmother is faithful in attendance.
She became very interested in me and I was interested in her too because I finally found someone close to my age. We got along wonderfully at the singing.
She has called me every day since then and I don't mind it. I call her too. She complains about things a lot and this behavior makes me cautious. Before she became a Christian, she drank and smoke. She no longer practices such. She does not use foul language or anything of that nature. It seems that her morals are straight, but there is one thing I question. I will get into that later.
There was a singing at another congregation recently. I went to her house and picked her up. We went to the singing together. It was thundering and lightening and she is scared of thunderstorms. It thundered the whole time we were singing. She was scared of the storm the whole night. She was hinting me to hold her hand. I held her hand, but I didn't feel it was quite right. This is not something I would normally do before asking a girl out. We are not even dating and we held hands at the singing. I believe I am just as guilty because I chose to do it. I wanted to hold her hand, but at the same time, I wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do.
Now, I will get to the areas of concern. I question her faith. I wonder if she really enjoys attending worship or if she goes because her grandmother goes. I also wonder if religion is important to her and if she wants to be a preacher's wife (not all girls do). She never talks to me about God or anything unless I bring it up. Today, she told me that she likes two boys, but she is not sure which one she likes best. She told me that she was raped several years ago and that she is blamed by a few people for it. I don't know the whole story behind it, but it is in her past. The past cannot be changed. She has to go to court next month because she received a citation for being involved in a wreck not long ago. She and her dad do not get along well. Her dad never attends worship. She kind of complains a little too much. She seems to be somewhat of a smart aleck.
I'm not sure if this is what I really want. I am trying to investigate as much as possible. Do you know what to do in a situation like this? Should I just tell her that I want to remain friends for a while since I do not know if this is what I want?
She may be faithful in attendance, but she may not be faithful to Christ (yet she may be). Actions speak louder than words (Matthew 7:16-20).
Answer:
Whenever there is uncertainty, it is best to take extra time to get to know a person. It is when a person rushes into a relationship that things tend to fall apart.
If you are wondering if she would enjoy being a preacher's wife, you can always ask in a general way: "I know you are dating someone right now, but I was curious, could you imagine yourself married to a preacher or is that just not your thing?" It is a noncommittal type question and the answer will tell you a bit more about her faith.
Given that there are hints that she might be a bit rash or reckless, keeps multiple boys on the string, so to speak, and a bit more forward that you are comfortable with, it would be a good thing to get to know her better as a friend before getting more serious about her. The later I would just put down as a part of her past where holding hands in the "wild crowd" would be considered nothing at all, so she probably didn't think much about it. Or she is just used to it as a way to get and keep a boy's attention. It is also possible that she wanted to make a statement to those around that she is interested in you (going back to keeping multiple boys on a string). Only time would tell.
Her discussing which boy she likes with you may either be an attempt to get you jealous and more interested in her, or it may just mean she sees you as an older brother and friend and sincerely wants your advice. Again, you will have to wait to figure out which way it is.
The mention of the rape to a boy she just met could be a warning to you that she has emotional issues, or it could be a girl who is trying to play the sympathy card to get you interested in rescuing her.
While there are numerous hints that she has a reckless character, that is usually something people grow out of. Her change to becoming a Christian and leaving worldly living indicates that she is changing, but you need to wait to see how far that change will go and whether it is a permanent change.
As far as attendance, wait until she goes on a vacation without her grandmother and find out later if she attended services when she was gone. That will tell you whether she is attending for herself or for her grandmother.
So I would strongly advise you to just wait and be her friend for a while. There is always time later to date if she does turn out to be a solid Christian.
