Why is God allowing me to endure this?
Question:
Dear Pastor,
I hope you are doing well.
I am suffering from an illness and feel utterly exhausted; I have lost all hope for life. I often ask God why I have to go through this and why things aren't happening the way I want them to. I simply do not understand why God is allowing me to endure this.
I am in such deep anguish and don't know what to do next. I have thought about stopping my medication and ending it all, but then I worry—if I were to be taken home to God, I would be too ashamed to face Him. 😭 So, I truly don't know what to do.
Answer:
I'm sorry to hear that you are so ill. Your question is an old one. The Book of Job, written in the days of Abraham, explores these sorts of issues in depth. What is interesting is that while Job wanted to find out why he was suffering, he was never given a reason. His friends wrongly assumed that he was suffering because he sinned, but they are scolded.
It really comes down to the fact that in many cases, we don't know why life plays out the way it does. Even so, the real question is: what are we doing with the life that we do have? Since we see only a tiny fraction of what is happening around us, our hardship may help another person. Like the blind man the disciples encountered. "As He passed by, He saw a man blind from birth. And His disciples asked Him, 'Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he would be born blind?' Jesus answered, 'It was neither that this man sinned, nor his parents; but it was so that the works of God might be displayed in him'" (John 9:1-3). Imagine! Living your entire life blind so Jesus could demonstrate God's power. Then, after receiving his sight, the man does an excellent job showing the hypocrisy of the Jewish leadership.
I knew a wonderful Christian woman who came down with an incurable cancer. She suffered for about a year, but during that time, she set an example of endurance that has stayed with many people. She was able to see her son, who was living in sin with a woman, get married. You just don't know what God has in mind for your life. See "Some Benefits of Suffering."
Matthew Bassford, who died of ALS, wrote several beautiful articles (and songs) about suffering.
- "The God of All Comfort"
- "Compassionate and Merciful"
- "A Man Is Judged by His Strength"
- "Why Does God Delay?"
Instead of trying to find someone (beyond Satan) to blame for your situation or trying to control your situation, use the time you are given to do the most good you can before it is time to go before our Lord. Would life be better without the pain? Definitely! But meanwhile, life must be lived and the pain endured.
