Who should pay for a date?
Question:
I am dating my boyfriend. He always pays, and I always express how grateful I am.
Last month, his card was stolen, and his bank account was frozen. During that month, I would pay for our outings. I never paid intending to have to. In my heart, I knew it was the right thing to do.
We went on a date tonight, and his card finally worked. We got the bill, and he asked me to pay. I was joking around and said that I had paid the month before. I wasn't trying to come off as mean, but I saw that his feelings were hurt. He then said, "I should never throw it into someone's face that I paid for them" as an excuse not to pay.
I deeply regret my actions, but now I don't know what to do. I apologized to him, but he said that my apologies don't mean anything unless there's action. I want to seek advice from a Christian perspective because I know that losing control of my tongue was Satan's plan.
Please help with advice.
Answer:
Traditionally, the male asks a female out for a date. Since he invited her, he pays the expenses. This tradition is also rooted in the past when men, more often than not, secured jobs early and had more disposable income than women. The man was proving that he could support a wife.
I understand that he was embarrassed that he wasn't able to pay for the dates he took you on, but I don't understand his remarks. Something is missing because it is not a common male way of expression. Your remark didn't throw anything in his face.
Thus, I'm left to conclude that he has a problem with pride. My guess (and it is just a guess) is that while his card now works, he didn't have enough money to pay for the meal, but he was too proud to say so. It makes me wonder whether his card was really stolen or if he had overdrawn on his account. That would explain the month-long wait for a new card (which usually only takes a week or so in most countries). He was waiting for his next paycheck, and since everything was behind on payments, he is likely financially unstable. Thus, he was hoping you would continue paying for meals for a bit. He was mad because you came close to discovering what he was trying to keep hidden.
Instead of assuming you were in the wrong, have a heart-to-heart discussion with him and ask him what is really going on.
Response:
Thank you.
