I'm a Christian and a firm believer in God. But one night I messed up and smoked weed with my roommate. I had an erection and started masturbating under the sheets. My roommate asked did I want oral sex and I gave into temptation. I then gave him oral sex for about 10 seconds but then felt disgusted with him and myself. He felt the same about me. That experience has been playing back in my mind. I'm not gay at all, but something in my mind keeps telling me that I am.
If I asked you when you began to sin in this incident, what would you answer? When you received oral sex? When you gave it? Yes, you messed up, but the problem is deeper than you want to admit.
"Therefore let us not sleep, as others do, but let us watch and be sober. For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk are drunk at night. But let us who are of the day be sober, putting on the breastplate of faith and love, and as a helmet the hope of salvation. For God did not appoint us to wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ" (I Thessalonians 5:6-9).
Staying sober is critical for any Christian because Satan is just waiting for a moment of weakness, a time when you aren't thinking straight, an instance when you are not alert to pull you deep into sin.
"Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour" (I Peter 5:8).
Your problem starts with the fact that you think you can smoke pot and remain faithful to Christ. Marijuana messes with your mind, not only when you smoke it, but it continues to affect the way you think for weeks afterward. You cannot serve Christ and smoke weed at the same time. You sin because marijuana is illegal (and for good reasons) and a Christian is not to break the law "Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God. Therefore whoever resists the authority resists the ordinance of God, and those who resist will bring judgment on themselves" (Romans 13:1-2). Even if it were legal, you further sin by not remaining sober as God requires of you.
One of the effects of marijuana is that the user's inhibitions are lowered. You don't make sound judgments when you are stoned, and you are willing to do things you normally would reject. In addition, a pot-smoker, while high, tends to be compliant with suggestions. It is sort of like being hypnotized. You are willing to do what someone tells you to do. "Marijuana can lower inhibitions and impair judgment. Lowered inhibitions have been known to result in unprotected sex, increased possibilities of sexually transmitted diseases, and potential unwanted pregnancies" [National Drug Council - Marijuana Facts]. Marijuana "decreased social inhibitions that can increase exposure to risky situations" [Rutgers Health, Marijuana]. This is what you experienced. You decided to engage in homosexual acts, which you normally would refuse.
Like many people, you have bought into the notation that homosexuality is equivalent to gender. It isn't. It is a choice to engage in sexual acts with people of the same gender. In this way, it is equivalent to fornication or adultery (technically it falls under the broad category of fornication). "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). That what you did keeps replaying in your mind is expected. A person who commits murder, steals, or has sex outside of marriage is going to be haunted by the guilt of what they did -- I'd be concerned if a person could sin and not be bothered by their sin.
Still, sexual sins have an aspect to them unlike other sins; even though we know they are wrong, the fact remains that it gives our body pleasure. "Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body" (I Corinthians 6:18). It is that conflict between abhorring what we did and simultaneous finding pleasure in the memory that causes so many people to doubt their moral judgment. Too many people make moral decisions based on emotions and they can't resolve how something that feels good can be harmful.
What you did was sinful, but it doesn't mean you are slated to repeat that sin for the rest of your life. Because a person stole, does that mean he is now a thief for the rest of his life? If a boy has sex with a girl without being married, does that mean he is a fornicator for the rest of his life? Then why accept the notation that because you did homosexual acts while stoned that you are a homosexual for the rest of your life? After listing all those sins that some Corinthians had done in I Corinthians 6:9-10, Paul followed it by saying, "And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God" (I Corinthians 6:11). No sinner need stay in his sins. That is what Christianity is about.
You are off track, so get back on the path of righteousness. Stop the drug use. Stop chasing after sensuality. Start living as your Lord commands.
I would really like to thank you very much. Your information really helped me. I am not addicted to weed, so being sober won't be a problem for me. Now I know that when you're intoxicated that is when Satan deceives people the most. I still got to live with what I did; something I will regret for the rest of my life and it will eat me up every now and then. But again I want to thank you.
Few users of marijuana think they are addicted. It is my prayer that you destroy what you have and never use it again. I don't know how often or how heavily you have used, but generally, the first two weeks after stopping are the worst. But it will take a good three to six months to get it completely out of your system. I hope you don't have too hard of a time with the withdrawal, but it is definitely worth the discomfort -- though you won't realize it until you get to the other end.
Meanwhile, realize that just like every other human being, you are not invulnerable to sin -- even sins you think you would never do. Satan is too persistent and too clever. That is why we need our Lord. "Now whom you forgive anything, I also forgive. For if indeed I have forgiven anything, I have forgiven that one for your sakes in the presence of Christ, lest Satan should take advantage of us; for we are not ignorant of his devices" (II Corinthians 2:10-11).
You know the saying ''you are who you hang around?'' Well, I fell victim to this. The person I was around was my college roommate and he always brought weed into the dorm room, so it was there in front of my face. Something told me to try it. I tried to lead him to Christ. He said he's already Christian. We would always debate God's word. Anyway, I haven't smoked since the last month of school. I'm now back home and don't have any access or any desire for it. It's against God's word, and, therefore, I had a bad life experience from it. That just goes to show you God has laws for a reason. He's looking out for our best interest.
God said a similar thing: "Do not be deceived: 'Evil company corrupts good habits'" (I Corinthians 15:33). As you have discovered, it is always easier for a wicked person to pull a righteous person down than for a righteous person to put a wicked person up. That is why Paul also warned, "Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted" (Galatians 6:1).
I hope you have plans for a different roommate when you return to college this fall.