What right does anyone have to preach to others about not having the joy of intimacy when in a relationship?
Question:
I am a 43-year-old woman who, yes, believes in God. I've been happily married for 20 years and have three wonderful, caring children of which one was born out of wedlock. My question is what right does anybody have to preach to other youngsters about them not having the joy of intimacy when in a relationship! Too often I am angered by such pompous replies to kids asking questions about their sexual relations with their partners. They come to you asking such things, yet you don't ask why they don't ask their parents first. I'll tell you why they don't ask, shall I! People like you have drilled such nonsense into minds for so long that many are even afraid to mention the word "sex" in their home. Well, what is sex? Let's break it right down, shall we? It's all about making oneself feel good, loved, and needed by someone. It's all about having that extra blissful moment of joy in your life, and this what you condemn! Wrong, I say. I am a nurse and have seen and heard many things in my life. We are born, we are loved by humans or animals, then we die. That's the way life has been going on for longer than any of us mere specks in time can remember. You may delete this if you wish which I expect you will. Many are offended by harsh true words. Let's hope you are not. We are born to be judged, but by whom, ourselves is the answer.
Answer:
I'm so glad you started out stating you believe in God, though it is strange that you ignore God in what you teach. True, we are born, live, and die, but it does not end there. "And as it is appointed for men to die once, but after this the judgment" (Hebrews 9:27). It is the judgment that you ignore. It isn't a judgment that only we make, as you falsely claimed. "For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive the things done in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad" (II Corinthians 5:10). Therefore, it isn't about your feelings or mine. It is about what the Lord God wants.
Not that this is something bad. "For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome" (I John 5:3). God's commands are not arbitrary. They don't take the joy out of life. His commands actually exist to steer us away from the pitfalls in life. As Moses told the Israelites, "And now, Israel, what does the LORD your God require of you, but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all His ways and to love Him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to keep the commandments of the LORD and His statutes which I command you today for your good?" (Deuteronomy 10:12-13).
Of course, sex is joyful when it is kept within the boundaries of a committed relationship that is call marriage. There is an entire book discussing the joys of a marital relationship, called the Song of Solomon. It is when sex is treated casually that joy is degraded. Bonds are made, but without the solid foundation of a marriage, it tears apart the emotions of the couples as they bounce from partner to partner. Children grow up uncertain about who their fathers are. More children are abused by live-in boyfriends than by husbands committed to their families. People are treated more as objects for passing flings. No, sex without commitment isn't the best way to live and bring up children. There are solid, factual reasons why God said having sex outside of marriage is a sin. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). I think you know this. There is a reason you married twenty years ago instead of continuing to have children without bothering with marriage.
I wonder which is more pompous, a preacher teaching young people who come asking about morality and good decision making, or an untrained person telling a preacher how not to do his job? While you have no authority in the religious realm, my authority is from God. "Speak these things, exhort, and rebuke with all authority. Let no one despise you" (Titus 2:15). Where you spout your personal opinions born out of your own lack of knowledge, I teach the wisdom of mankind's Creator. "If anyone speaks, let him speak as the oracles of God. If anyone ministers, let him do it as with the ability which God supplies, that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belong the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen" (I Peter 4:11).
Strange as it might seem to you, I don't seek out these questions. These young people see the answers I've given to others. Most say that what impresses them most is that I give truthful answers backed up by God's teaching in the Bible. It is because of the honesty of those answers that they come asking their own questions. It has never been about fear of talking to their parents about sex or other matters. It is wanting a clear, honest, factual answer to questions that bother them. I'm not going to turn them away just because you don't like the answers. It has never been about you and never will be. "For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ" (Galatians 1:10).
