What do I do? My mother is committing fornication!
Question:
To start out, I would like to say that I am not perfect, do not pretend that I am perfect, and know that I will never be perfect. I have made many mistakes, and am merely a sinner, saved by grace. That said, my question is about my mom.
My dad died recently. He died from diseases as a result of many years of abusing his body sexually as well as with drugs, alcohol, and all manners of bad behavior. My mother was always a God-fearing woman. She read her Bible every day. She practiced the gospel teachings and took care of my father, despite his iniquities, until his death.
I believed somehow that my mother was infallible and incapable of committing any major sort of sin. However, she recently began dating a man, and within two weeks they began a sexual relationship. I've read a couple of your articles as well as Bible verses and even other minister's articles on the subject so I feel I have a pretty good grasp of what you are likely to say about sexual immorality. Not to mention, as I said, I'm not perfect and have my own testimony on the subject at hand.
That said, my question is really more about me. What do I do? I've talked to her, pleaded with her, and even argued doctrine with her. The Bible says not to even sit at the table with the sexually immoral. It's emphatic and I get it. But I love her. I'm a widow too, and I have four children whom I am raising by myself. She's the only person I had in the whole world, and now she won't come near me because I won't accept her and the man with whom she continues to carry on like this. How can I? I have to set an example for my own children! I've even tried to encourage marriage to stop this behavior, repent, and plan their wedding. But they will not. She feels today that sin is sin and she is no worse off than anybody else. I've fasted and prayed. She wants nothing to do with me and my children now. What do I do?
Answer:
Your personal state has nothing to do with whether another person is committing a sin or not. Jesus did warn that before you try to correct another person, you need to first clean up your own life. "Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me remove the speck from your eye'; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye" (Matthew 7:1-5). People have a strong tendency to turn against you pointing out their sin and will try to excuse their bad behavior by claiming you also sin.
The fact of the matter is that your mother is committing fornication. She doesn't care that God condemns it. "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4). She doesn't care what you think. She even values her sin over seeing her own grandchildren.
All you, I, or anyone can do is point out in the Bible what God said. There is no wiggle-room there. You can't make someone accept the truth.
"I wrote to you in my epistle not to keep company with sexually immoral people. Yet I certainly did not mean with the sexually immoral people of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner--not even to eat with such a person" (I Corinthians 5:9-11).
One aspect of the church that people too often forget is that we are each other's family. "And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My name's sake, shall receive a hundredfold, and inherit eternal life" (Matthew 19:29). It is not that you are without family.
