We can’t afford to get married, but would it be bad to have sex now?
Question:
Hello!
My boyfriend and I have been dating for over five years, not necessarily because we wanted to wait this long, but because we don’t have the money. I only recently finished college, and I didn’t want to get married until I was done with school. Well, I’ve been done with college for about a year now with no luck at finding a job in my field. My boyfriend for years was also having trouble finding anywhere that would hire. My parents, only a few months ago, agreed to give him a chance to work for them because their other guy was moving to a different state. My parents finally realized that he is a hard worker and are happy they hired him, but still, we aren’t making enough money to get married. I want to get married, and in my heart, I’m committed to him as he is to me. He has been my only boyfriend as I have been his only girlfriend. If we are committed and serious about each other, would it be so wrong to have sex before marriage? We are both the type that takes this stuff very seriously, and if we did have sex that would be our “unbreakable commitment”. I know technically premarital sex is wrong, but if the only reason you aren’t married is because of money, is it really wrong? It’s just getting harder and harder to wait, not knowing when we’ll be financially ready, and having that be the only reason we aren’t married yet. I mean, I want to wait, I really do, it’s not like we are going to “plan it”, but would we be such terrible people if we messed up?
Answer:
You are planning to commit fornication. You are thinking about it, trying to find what you think is a good enough excuse, and an opportunity to let it happen. When it comes to sexual intercourse, there are no accidents. What you are involved in is lust -- a strong desire to do what you know is wrong. "But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts" (Romans 13:14).
Both you and your boyfriend currently have places to live and food to eat. I assume you both are still living with your respective parents. While he is not making a large amount of money, he has plenty for a simple wedding, even if it is nothing more than a marriage before the justice of the peace.
If you can't afford your own apartment yet, you can ask your parents if you can live with one of them until you both get jobs. Speaking of which, if you can't find a job in your field, then look for a job that is not in your field -- at least you'll have some income while you continue to search for a better job.
The real problem is that you want your life to go in your pre-planned direction. You aren't willing to be flexible, so you don't make progress. So what if you can't afford luxuries for the first few years or that you have to live on beans and rice (which I doubt will actually happen)? Work together to make things happen. Be creative. Every obstacle that you imagine is there can be overcome.
Besides, every time a couple has sex, regardless of their precautions, there is a chance of becoming pregnant. If you don't think you can afford to be married, can you afford to be parents?
