I've been a Christian for more than three years now. I was a youth leader for the girls, and then became the youth leader for boys and girls. I was also in charge of the children's ministry. My relationship with God was going great! And I never ever thought this would happen to me!
I was very strict about relationships. I had met a guy from the same religion, and we were talking for more than two years. We wanted to know each other before we got into a relationship because I wanted a healthy relationship and we were both God-fearing young adults. But when we started dating after more than two years of talking and getting to know each other, I told him that we would not kiss because I wanted it to be something special. I wanted to kiss saved for the day of our wedding but that didn't happen. After maybe a month of dating we kissed. It was all OK, but then later we went to another thing and another. We haven't had sex, but we have done things that I know God does not like!
I feel awful. I don't feel worthy of anything anymore. God had me as a leader, and I have failed. I never thought this would happen to me. I do repent and I told my boyfriend that we will never do it anymore, but it happens. I want it to stop and I have thought of breaking up with him, but we have plans to get married and I do want to marry him because I love him, but I don't know what to do. Should we break up? I want my life with God to be like it used to be. If that means breaking up with my boyfriend, I will even though that will hurt a lot.
Please give me advice. I really need it. I can't tell anyone from my church because I know how they are and that makes me sad too. God bless you so much! Thank you for this website. This generation really needs it.
First, I need to make it clear that the church you are attending is not following the teachings of God accurately. God did not tell the church to form youth groups (See: Should games be offered at youth groups?). And God does not permit women to lead (See: All the Members Do Not Have the Same Function). So while you wish to think God put you in this position, the fact that it is against God's teachings means it wasn't God's doing.
There are two ways to handle sexual misbehavior. Either you separate or you get married. "Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. ... But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:1-2, 8-9). The reason you are having problems is that you are trying to stay in between and your instincts are controlling your behavior.
I don't know what you two have been involved in, but lust and lewd behavior are not acceptable conduct. "Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts" (Romans 13:13-14). You stop making provisions by either not seeing each other in private settings or by getting married.