I'm lost and my life is so out of place. I'm married, and we have eight kids: my husband had two by his first wife, and I had one by my first marriage. We have one together. My dad past away with cancer. He had four kids who live with us. About four years ago my marriage started falling apart. I feel he has cheated. He started to change. He always runs me down. He's always angry. He has hit me. When his mother past away, he left me behind. He runs me down to his family. It hurt me so bad. Don't get me wrong, I have my part. I have not ever cheated or denied him, as he has me. Recently I found out I have Multiple Sclerosis, so I'm sick.
Please help me. I don't want to end my marriage.
I'm going to assume that both of you had the right to a second marriage. Given today's climate, there isn't a reason to make that assumption, but I have to start somewhere. So I'm assuming your previous spouses either died or had committed fornication that led to your divorces.
It appears that you and your husband have been piling up stresses without resolving old ones. The pressure is getting released in unhealthy ways. He is getting violent and doesn't respect you. You've gotten suspicious and probably have so many complaints that your husband dreads to come home. Your disease adds to the stress, and your stress makes it more difficult to deal with the disease.
When things get overwhelming, pick just one thing at a time to work on. I don't know what is your biggest issue at the moment but pick either that or an issue that you can solve in a relatively short timeframe. Then work on it. Your marriage is falling apart because insufficient effort is being put into keeping it going. Like a house, marriages don't maintain themselves.
As your husband sees you working at solving problems and not just complaining, he will be encouraged to join you in working on the marriage. Yes, I know he has his faults, but it is you who wants to hold this marriage together, so you are the one how needs to make the initial moves in that direction.
"Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband" (Ephesians 5:33).