The Marriage Problem

by Lynn Trapp
via Sentry Magazine, vol. 9, no. 11, November 30, 1983
(slightly abridged)

Divorce is on the rise among Christians. The church has been and always will be affected by the society around it. Thus, as society approves more and more of divorce, the church will be swept along with the tide. People who are otherwise faithful to Christ are allowing the temptations of the world to pull their families apart. This sad picture suggests that we need to spend more time telling Christians how to keep their marriages together. I fear we have spent so much time telling people which marriages are unlawful that, at least in some cases, we have neglected to tell the lawfully married how to make a happy home, and, as a result, many homes are falling apart. Though I see a trend in the right direction, until churches start preaching and teaching more on the subject, I am afraid the divorce rate will continue to rise among Christians.

Of course, teaching about a happy home must begin with happy parents showing, in word and action, their children how to have a happy home. Unfortunately, in churches today, there are multitudes of people who were reared in broken homes. These people did not have the kind of examples that many Christians have had. I consider myself extremely fortunate (as does my wife) to have been raised in a home where both parents were Christians. My mother and father knew their obligations as husband and wife and did their best to live up to them. No one ever attended a better seminar on marriage and family than I did during the first eighteen years of my life. However, too many people today do not have the benefit of such training at home and must learn how to deal with a husband and wife only after they marry. Many times that is too late. Therefore, preaching and teaching on the subject are paramount at this time.

A few suggestions for a starting place may be deemed wise here.

  • People need to know that a Christian home is not a perfect home. It is made up of sinners. Too many marriages break up because we expect our mates to be perfect.
  • A Christian home is one where the members know how to deal with sin when it arises. They do not throw up their arms in disgust and run off. They learn to repent and ask forgiveness, even when it is humiliating.
  • The Christian home has love as the ruling factor. The wants and needs of others are put ahead of our own. Only then can happiness exist.
  • Finally, and most importantly, Christ is the Lord of the Christian home. Though the father is the head of the house, in a Christian home, Christ reigns supreme, and every family member knows it. A family never breaks up when Christ is king of every member.

Problems start when someone chooses to live contrary to Christ's teachings. When people start learning how to apply these principles, I am convinced we will have gone a long way toward reducing the divorce rate in the church. Let us take responsibility for our actions and try to help more marriages succeed.