Should I stay with my husband or give my children a safe and stable home?
Question:
Hello,
I am in need of advice. My husband and I have been married for two years. We have two sons together and I have an older son from a previous relationship. My husband is my first husband and I'm his first wife.
He has been addicted to crack for years now. The day after we got married is when I realized it and the abuse started. I called the cops and he was put in jail for six months. During those months I prayed, wrote him, and stayed by him as a wife should.
When he got out he was supposed to be clean. This lasted about a month, then he was back using and being abusive. We went to anger management classes, which were court-ordered, but it didn't help. He is bipolar, which I think is because of the crack, but he stopped taking his meds and started using crack more and abusing me more. Two weeks after we had our third son, he locked me and my kids in a room while he got high. I called the cops to get us out. Again he went to jail and I stayed by him. I love my husband and meant my vows of better or worse to him.
After he got out of prison that time I again got back with him. This time he started having an affair with his Jo and using crack and again got physically abusive. I left him this time without calling the cops. We stayed separated for several months. After talking to him and believing that he had finally got a handle on this addiction. I came back but I've been back two months, and it's happening again drugs and abuse. I want to be a good wife, but I also want to be a good mom to my boys. It's my job to provide them with a safe and stable home. I don't know what to do.
Answer:
You married a drug addict, ignoring all the hints that it was there. Nothing in the Bible says a wife must take abuse from her husband or put her children in harm's way. He has committed adultery and very likely is continuing to do so.
A drug addict does not get clean in a few months' time. It takes a year or more of hard effort to clean up a life of drugs and he will always remain susceptible to relapses. And, yes, most likely his mental illness is a result of his drug use.
While divorce is to be avoided, Jesus did say, "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery" (Matthew 19:9). You don't have to divorce him because of his adultery, but in this particular case, it would be the wiser thing to do.
