Should I marry the girl I’ve been having sex with?
Question:
God bless you,
I am struggling with a decision. I have a girlfriend whom I have been with three years already. She is a very nice girl, her parents have raised her very well. She is respectful, not selfish, very polite, and not sloppy in terms of doing what a young 21 year old would be doing if she wasn't raised or taught right.
I am a believer in Christ and have been raised in a Christian church. My mom has shown me this path for as long as I can remember. Through my teen years, I have fallen and done things I shouldn't have. I have repented from it all but one thing.
I met this girl while being with other friends. I have had girlfriends here and there and was tired of being pure. The result was I lost my virginity at the age of 16. Since then, with every girl I have been with, I have had sex.
I met my recent girlfriend and in my heart, I said this girl will be different. I would treat her right and show her God's way by trying to be a good example. We talked for a few months and there came a time when we got comfortable. I asked her to be my girlfriend. She said yes. The first month was good but there came a time when we would go to my house, and things started happening where I would lead her on. We fell into fornication and she lost her virginity to me.
We love each other a lot. Two years ago she became a believer as well, along with her mom and little sister.
We still struggle with fornication. It makes us feel embarrassed and ashamed because we know it's not right what we are doing. I am leaning toward asking her to marry me, not just because of her looks, but because of all my mistakes and trashy ways she has still managed to stick with me and help me get through it.
Everything is going well, but that's what we struggle with. Any Bible verses that will help in this decision?
Thank you a lot!
Answer:
It appears that while you know what you are doing is wrong, you don't fully appreciate just how bad your current situation is. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). In other words, Paul is saying not to fool yourself by calling yourself a Christian while sinning and think that you'll still reach heaven.
Paul later states, "Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband" (I Corinthians 7:1-2). You don't start something (sexually touching a woman) that you can't legitimately finish. The place to take care of sexual desires is in marriage. Avoiding marriage while having sex with various girls is not doing you or anyone else any good. Even though Paul wanted to encourage Christians during his time to delay marriage because of the present persecution (I Corinthians 7:26), he points out that sin is not an acceptable alternative. "But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:8-9).
There are only two reasonable choices for you: Either you give up having sex, including the sexual touching, lust, and lewd behavior that accompanies it, until you get married, or you get married. I'm guessing from your note that you have a hard time keeping your pants on, so the proper thing for you to do is get married.
Along with this, you need to realize that if you choose to marry her, you are essentially selecting her to be your only partner for the rest of your life. You have to give up all ideas of pursuing anyone else and you cannot have sex with any other person.
In addition, you and she have been sinning a long time. It is past time to change your attitude toward what you have been doing. You cannot just be sorry that you had sex again. You have to be totally against having sex with someone you are not married to. "For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter" (II Corinthians 7:10-11).
Finally, you need to talk with God and apologize for all your foolish behavior. "If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us. My little children, these things I write to you, so that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous" (I John 1:8-2:1).
Response:
I really thank you for your time, for your response, and for showing interest in this question. You couldn't have been any clearer. I have read these passages in the past, but it's like I was blinded when I would read them. I understand them and will keep them in my heart and mind, and take action as soon as I can. I will show my girlfriend this question and response, and I know we'll come to a conclusion along with prayer.
Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. May God bless you and this ministry.
