Should I marry someone who has not repented of the sins we committed?
Question:
Is it okay to marry someone who has not fully given in to salvation and has not repented for the fornication we've done in the past? I have been with him for over ten years. We've had several breakups but we still made up. I decided to give my life to Christ two years ago; however, I fell on the journey, and I repeated my sins. I had sex with several men before I got back with him, and we have recently been doing the same thing.
Recently I started feeling that I have sinned, and I have decided to repent and become more closer to God. I want to be baptized the next time baptism is being held at my church. I have told him I am not having sex with him again unless we are married. He seemed not to take it seriously, but I know he will look into it eventually, rather than losing what we have. But the truth is I can't force him to repent. He believes in God, but he is not that much into faith and salvation.
Is it advisable that, after being baptized, I get married to someone who has not repented? Or do I just call off the relationship and wait for someone who has the same view when it comes to faith? Is it okay that I want us to have a civil marriage since we can't yet afford a church wedding?
Thank you.
Answer:
It is more a side issue to your overall question, but there were several hints that the group you are with is not fully following Christ. For instance, you see yourself as having given over your life to Christ, but for two years you delayed obeying Christ's command to be baptized. Something doesn't match between those two statements. See: Why Were They Baptized so Soon?
I can't fully answer whether you should marry this man or not. I would like you to consider that if he doesn't think it is wrong to have sex outside of marriage, how likely would he keep his wedding vows after you get married? When you have children, will he be encouraging them to follow Christ or will he be encouraging you to follow after the world? You see, when it comes to marriage, you need to think about the future because you are saying you will be with this man for the rest of your life.
If you are determined to stay with this man, then you do need to get married because he won't be satisfied without having sex. "But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:9). And, yes, civil marriage is fine. There is no requirement for a "church wedding" in the Bible. In fact, you won't find an example of one in the Bible. There are elaborate weddings, but more often you see simple weddings. What is important is that a covenant is established. See Marriage Covenants.
Response:
Thank you for the reply.
It's true that in the community where I stay just a few follow Christ. That's why many consider cohabiting a normal practice, and they think they are married. Many think wedding vows are nothing but words. For that, I thank God I am favored to follow His way.
Let me continue in prayer. I know God will show me the right path. Thank you again.
