Should I confront my friend’s pastor?
Question:
I’ve been arguing with a girl at school. She calls herself a Christian. She recently invited me and my friend to go to her church. So my friend asked her if there’s a female preacher there, she said yes. She asked if women speak there, she said yes.
Later that day, they were arguing if it was wrong or right. She didn’t seem to like I Corinthians 14:32-34 or I Timothy 2:11. She said “If the preacher (the female preacher) is there, then there might be a reason,” her points are all unbiblical.
Today, I argued with her too, her friend who calls herself a Christian, seemed angry and acted mean. Finally, she had no good points against us and asked me to visit her church next Sunday night, so I can talk to her pastor. I know everything’s wrong there. Should I go just so that I can talk to her pastor afterward? Or would it be wrong for me to be there?
Also, can I argue with him? Would that be me trying to have authority over him?
Answer:
While there is a place for making arguments and debating the cause of Christ, it isn't always the best way to persuade a person to change. When a person isn't thinking things through clearly or making silly responses, continuing to argue with them is only going to cause them to dig in their heels and reject everything you say. "But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife. And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will" (II Timothy 2:23-26).
Sometimes we get so caught up in wanting to win the confrontation that we forget that the true win is leading another soul to Christ. So when someone you are talking to doesn't have a good answer, tell them that it is all right, think about it for a while and look at the passages more, then let you know what they think. You showed her two passages for which she can't get around because they are so clear. That is why she doesn't like them. You pressured her for answers, which she has none, so she's calling in reinforcements in the form of her pastor. In a sense, she doesn't want to look, so she wants you to do the leg work.
Now, I'm not going to say don't talk to this man, but I do want you to have some reasonable expectations. He's older, you're young. The fact of life is that older people have a tendency to think young people don't know anything. You need to remember that he accepted a job with his denomination. So not only would you have to shift his views about what the Bible actually says, he has the added baggage of realizing that if he does change, he is out of a job. That is a tall order.
If you do decide to talk to him, ask for an appointment at a time won't feel that he has to defend himself in front of other people. Notice that this is how Aquila and Priscilla handled Apollos. "So he began to speak boldly in the synagogue. When Aquila and Priscilla heard him, they took him aside and explained to him the way of God more accurately" (Acts 18:26). Be polite and treat him with respect. "Do not rebuke an older man, but exhort him as a father ..." (I Timothy 5:1). And don't get upset if he doesn't agree with you. Give it your best shot and leave it at that.
If you approach this man with a "you have to listen to me" attitude, then yes you are trying to exert authority over a man. If you go and ask why they have women preachers and why they don't follow I Timothy 2 and I Corinthians 14, then you are only giving him an opportunity to explain. You don't have to accept his explanation, and you can point out what you see as weaknesses in his reasoning.
With your friend, your job is to get a seed planted. Get her to think. Encourage her to ask questions and look for a biblical answer. That really is the problem with most people. They have religions that they merely follow because that is what they have always done. They rarely pause to wonder if it is really a religion that God would approve of. It isn't a matter of who is right, but what is right. Sometimes the best way to teach is piece by piece, point by point. So ask questions, understand where she is coming from, and point her to what God actually says. If she hopes there is a reason, then ask her to let you know when she finds out. God's word will take root the more she delves into it. "I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the increase. So then neither he who plants is anything, nor he who waters, but God who gives the increase." (I Corinthians 3:6-7).
