My wife wants a divorce


Hello Brother,

I hope this message finds you in good health and spirits.

My wife has decided that she wants to separate and sell our home. She has also discussed divorce, saying that she's unhappy.

First off, I acknowledge that while by worldly standards I was a good husband, by Christian standards, I failed miserably. I didn't take seriously the fact that I was making a lifelong commitment to not only her but also God. I wasn't the spiritual leader that I should have been, so she would constantly see her husband serving God and practicing righteousness. I didn't exhibit the sacrificial love that Christ required. I spent a lot of time defending myself from what I believed to be false allegations about humbling myself and responding with love. It's not all my fault, but I know I had many spiritual shortcomings, so my situation is likely due to God letting the natural consequences of my sins take place.

I'm just not sure how to proceed without sinning any more than I already have. She wants to sell the house, but we are in a community property state, so I would have to sign off on it as well. If I refused to agree to the sale, then she would probably file for divorce, and the court would make the decision. My state is a no-fault state, so it would be granted. I'm also the primary caretaker of our son, so I'm not sure if she does file, would I be sinning by participating in the process to at least fight for as much custody as I can? Would I be sinning if I signed off on the house sale? I'm so confused about what to do next, and to be honest, I am dealing mentally with the sobering fact that I may be resigned to a single life forever, but again, it's my fault. I want to start making things right, rededicate myself, and get back right with the Lord. I don't want to make the wrong decisions.


Not knowing either you or your wife, I can't comment on why your wife wants to leave your marriage or who is at fault. I can state that divorcing simply because a person decides she is unhappy will not fix her problems. Such a divorce does not allow either the husband or wife to marry again (I Corinthians 7:10-11).

Even though God hates divorce because sin is involved (Malachi 2:16) and it often promotes additional sins, it does not mean you must ignore what is going on. Yes, you should be trying to keep access to your son. He will need a father in his life in the years to come. Whether you sell the home is up to you. I don't know if you will have to buy out her portion or what will be required.

While you can't stop your wife from making a poor choice, you can do what you can to help your wife see that she is leaving a good man.

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