My life has been spiraling into an OCD nightmare
Question:
Hello, I really need your help with this struggle.
"But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because he does not eat from faith; for whatever is not from faith is sin" (Romans 14:23).
My life has been spiraling more and more into an OCD nightmare because I keep thinking about this verse. At first, I started avoiding meat because of blood splotches and slaughter methods that were not biblical. Then I was unsure if I could still take synthetic vitamins and medicines since it could be "pharmakeia" (The actual Greek term that we translate as sorcery, but it actually means poison, medication, potion, etc.) And lately, I came across verses in which God talks about fat from certain animals being prohibited from eating (Leviticus 3:17; 7:22-27).
I used to eat a lot of whipping cream lately, which is basically pure fat. I also started doubting drinking milk because maybe they did not skim the fat. I know that the verse is talking about other kinds of fat on the animal probably, but I can't shake the feeling. On top of that, I have a chronic illness that limits what I can eat due to reactions. So I basically went from eating meat and dairy to soon-to-be-malnourished vegan to avoid doing things out of doubt that would condemn me.
I ditched the synthetic supplements I was taking and bought an expensive magnesium mineral water. It turns out they advertise it with a mythological background story of Apollo (an Idol), connected with the well. They also put his image on some of their bottles. The ones I bought do not have that image, but now I am once again in a state of doubt and can not drink it with a clear conscience.
So now I see three choices:
- I take the supplements and sin because I'm doubting
- I drink the water and sin because I'm doubting
- I try to get magnesium from food and probably get sicker because it is very likely that I won't tolerate it (I have MCAS)
I need some ideas on how to get out of this because it is just horrible to be in a constant state of doubt and fear of sinning. How do I shake off this feeling? I need to get the nutrients in, but at this point, that seems to be so hard without violating my conscience. The verse says what it says, and every time I try to do something of the things I mentioned, I get this intense feeling that tells me not to do it because I feel doubt.
Thank you in advance.
Answer:
At its roots, religious OCD (scrupulosity) comes from intolerance for risk [Fletcher Wortmann, “The Danger of Doubt: The Ruthless and Frequently Misunderstood Logic of OCD," 27 June 2013]. The sufferer strives for greater perfection than God (or anyone else) expects because he wants absolute certainty that he will be saved. Thus, the person adds stringent rules because he believes rules might make him more acceptable to God. But man-made rules don’t produce righteousness (Colossians 2:20-23).
In other words, the OCD sufferer strives for perfection because, in his mind, anything less carries too much risk. He doesn’t realize that he sets himself up for failure because no one is perfect. It leads to ruin, as Solomon warned (Ecclesiastes 7:16).
Faith isn't a feeling that you are doing right. "So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God" (Romans 10:17). Faith is that you trust what God said to be true. Thus, faith cannot exist until you have something to believe in.
"Now by this we know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments. He who says, "I know Him," and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him. He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked" (I John 2:3-6).
If you don't know if something is or is not commanded by God, then it can't be of faith. Notice that you have been making decisions based on your uncertainty, not your confidence that this is what God commands. For example, you decided to avoid eating meat and dairy. This did not come from anything that God commanded. (See Was Jesus a Vegetarian? Did Jesus Eat Meat?) It certainly was not a decision based on your confidence in what God required. You avoid fat based on an Old Testament law that is no longer binding, not understanding that we live under Christ's law and not Moses' law. (See Why We Don't Follow the Old Testament.) You decided not to take supplements because of your doubts. All of these are decisions that came from uncertainty and not from faith.
Since nowhere in the Bible does God command that men complete tasks with absolute perfection, a good but less than perfectly completed task cannot be a sin because no law of God was broken. Sin is when a person breaks a law of God. "Whoever commits sin also commits lawlessness, and sin is lawlessness" (I John 3:4).
You need to stop making up rules for yourself and simply focus on understanding what God has said and applying that to your life. Stop trying to second-guess God or become more righteous than God directs.
