My husband returned to his country and refuses to allow me to join him
Question:
Hello,
My husband left me a year ago. He returned to his country. He did not want me there, so he changed his mind and wanted me there. I went, spent some time with him, but I did not like it so I returned to my country.
Eventually, I realized I should be obedient and tried to go back there. He refused me, told me he no longer wanted any contact with me and that I was not welcome there. So here I am, praying that God will soften his heart, not make any rash decisions, etc. I feel so hurt and betrayed but don't want to use divorce as a form of retaliation. I would like repentance and restoration. I don't know what to do.
What say you? Waiting and hoping just keeps me stuck in the wilderness, but proceeding to file for divorce just doesn't seem right either. Can you offer any advice?
Thank you.
Answer:
Filing for divorce would gain you nothing. You would not be divorcing him because he is committing adultery, so to do so would only mean you would be waiting to be reconciled to him. "Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife" (I Corinthians 7:10-11). About the only thing you can do is let him know you would like to move back to be with him or for him to come back and be with you. In the meantime, you make a life for yourself and wait to see what develops.
Question:
One last question: let's say he did commit adultery. Does that mean our marriage is over? Does the act of adultery end a marriage?
Answer:
No. Adultery does not end a marriage. If your husband was involved in adultery and had no intentions of stopping, then you have the right to end the marriage and find someone else if you so desire. But even then it is an option, not a requirement (Matthew 19:9).
