My husband left me for another woman. Do I have to forgive him?
Question:
My husband left me for another woman. After returning back from an overseas assignment, we got into an argument which left me hospitalized. We are both saved Christians (he was saved in our marriage). Even though he says that he didn’t leave his kids but the marriage and me. He filed for divorce and he is currently living with her. They attend church every Sunday and feel as though they are forgiven (self-delusion). My problem is I can’t seem to get past the hurt. I’ve prayed and fasted and nothing seems to take away the pain I feel. My family tells me I must forgive them both but "if your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him" (Luke 17:3). My husband hasn’t; he feels justified. He admits that he is wrong, but he always comes back with some reason: I didn’t love you anymore, you were never here, she understands me. I’ve grown to accept my failure. Do I have to forgive him? even though he’s doesn’t have a repentant heart. The pain is just too much.
Answer:
I don't blame you for being hurt. He is deeply in sin and the church that has accepted him is in sin as well.
"Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10).
"I wrote to you in my epistle not to keep company with sexually immoral people. Yet I certainly did not mean with the sexually immoral people of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner--not even to eat with such a person" (I Corinthians 5:9-11).
You'll know he has repented of his sins when he gives them up. Right now he is living in adultery. When he leaves this woman and asks for your forgiveness, then you'll know that his heart has changed. Yes, you should be willing to forgive him, if the opportunity comes to be. But to offer forgiveness while he continues to sin is to condone his sin.
Meanwhile, you have children to raise who have been abandoned by their father. Focus on them for now.
