I committed fornication with my best friend. Should we marry or never see each other again?

Answer:

At the root of your story are the classic mistakes young women make in dealing with men. It isn't complicated; it is sad to hear another repetition of it.

You put a lot of trust in this young man because you assumed that someone claiming to be a Christian, the son of a preacher, who appears devoted to Christ, and who lead you to Christ must be a good man. Yet, I note that showed disdain for someone who made sexual mistakes in the past. That reminds me of the Pharisee who prayed, "God, I thank You that I am not like other men --extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I possess" (Luke 18:11-12). If you had truly become a Christian, your sins were washed away when you were baptized (Acts 22:16). To hold a person's past, prior to becoming a Christian, against them is sinful. A Christian's job is to uplift others, not make them feel like trash. "Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear" (Ephesians 4:29).

Even though he turned you down, he was displayed jealousy. "Let us behave properly as in the day, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual promiscuity and sensuality, not in strife and jealousy" (Romans 13:13). Jealousy is a sin when a person claims to hold on to something that doesn't belong to him. But rather than face his fault, he twisted it to put the blame on you because you dated other guys after he turned you down. Young women as a whole tend to have little confidence in themselves, so when a man they love degrades them, it almost feels like a confirmation of what they always suspected -- even when it is completely false.

He lost interest in you as a potential spouse, but he maintained his relationship with you as a brother in Christ. Yet, he did not treat you as a sister. Paul told Timothy to treat "the younger women as sisters, in all purity" (I Timothy 5:2).

You said sex happened suddenly. I beg to differ. It was building up to that moment for quite a while. Experience tells me that you two were not behaving as brother and sister and were engaged in conduct unbecoming of Christians. "Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman" (I Corinthians 7:1). I suspect you skipped over this because you had hopes that he was becoming attached to you. This is another common mistake by young women. Sexual attraction to a woman is found in the relationship. You were attracted to him, so you assumed that he was attracted to you in more than just a sexual way. Even though he said he wasn't interested in marrying you, you assumed that he wasn't really telling the truth. Women have a tendency to read more into conversations than others actually say. Thus, they mislead themselves when a guy says exactly what he meant.

Eventually, things went too far. You didn't intend for this to happen, so that is why it felt like it was sudden. Perhaps he went too far in his lust as well -- I don't know since I haven't talked to him. However, it didn't escape my notice that he was the aggressor in this act -- you mentioned that you gave in to him. To a woman, the act of sex is a commitment. It is an outgrowth of love for a man. But to many men, sex is an act that is done. Feelings of love are not a part of the equation for a man in order to have sex. That is why you are confused by his response. He goes on as if little happened, and you are so certain that love has to be there because it was for you. You are willing to think that he is lying to himself when he is probably stating the truth.

I suspect that given his past behavior, he blames you for tempting him. While he might claim to have repented of his sin, he hasn't apologized to you, nor has he shown any behavior that says he regrets what he did.

Marry him? I should hope not; at least, not until he grows up and becomes a Christian man instead of a worldly boy. He has treated you disrespectfully and makes you think that it is all your fault. That is not the makings of a good husband.

I've said all this not to excuse what you did, but to make you see that you had been used for boy's personal gratification. I'm happy that you see your responsibility and turned from your sin. But you need to find a place to worship where the people actually love Jesus, not just in word but in actual practice. As Jesus said, "If you love Me, you will keep My commandments" (John 14:15). My dear, he's not good enough for you.

"Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore by their fruits you will know them" (Matthew 7:15-20).

"For of this sort are those who creep into households and make captives of gullible women loaded down with sins, led away by various lusts, always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth" (II Timothy 3:6-7).