Question:

I found your website, and I’ve been reading it a lot. I’m overwhelmed with grief and shame. I’ve been married for over 10 years. I love my husband and children dearly.

Before we were married I committed fornication. He doesn’t know and assumed I was a virgin. We never spoke about it.

I’ve repented of my sins and I’ve never broken my marriage vows, but I have an overwhelming feeling that my entire life is a lie by not confessing this to him. I keep reading to live in truth and God’s light or He is not with you. If I don’t clear this up, is God still with me? I don’t want to hurt anyone but if this is what God is asking of me I want to be obedient.

Please help me and pray for me. My soul is very burdened.

Thank you.

Answer:

You are correct. Committing fornication was sinful and I'm glad to hear that you changed. What matters to God is that you left your sins behind and started living righteously (I John 3:9).

But I'm puzzled. Why do you conclude that you have to share every detail about your life in order to be truthful? If your husband never asked about your past sexual experiences prior to marrying you, then I would conclude that it didn't matter to him. What matters to your husband is that you are faithful to him.

Nowhere in the Bible does God say that in order to be forgiven of your sins you have to confess those sins to another person. We are encouraged to talk about our faults with brethren and to pray for each other (James 5:16), but forgiveness comes when we turn from our sins and confess our wrongs to God.

From what you said, God forgave you a long time ago. But you refuse to let go and accept that your past doesn't define your present or your future. Why make your husband miserable about a sin that you committed before you ever married him?

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