My girlfriend’s past keeps haunting me and it makes me angry. What do I do from here?
Question:
Lately, the past between my girlfriend and I have been randomly haunting me when I least expect it. I would ask my friends for their input, but I don't feel that they would give me the answer I seek without being bias. I wanted to go to my church and confess these thoughts; however, I never went for a confession before, and I'm not sure how it works.
The reason I am e-mailing is that I came across a situation similar to mine as I searched google. My girlfriend's past is making me uncomfortable. Should I break up with her?
It was mentioned in this article "You might find a woman one day and learn that she had a bad past. But if she demonstrates that it truly was her past and that she has made radical changes in her life..." My girlfriend did make radical changes, and I feel that I can trust her, but it is her past that triggers anger within me. It is these past events that haunt me. We have been together for about four months. I don't know what to do from here. I didn't give a full explanation of what happened but I would be happy to explain if it helps.
Answer:
No one can change the past. Being angry about what cannot be changed is an exercise in futility.
The past cannot be changed, but a person can change. You state that you believe she has changed, but then become angry about the past. That anger says you don't believe she really has changed. Somehow you suspect that she'll repeat the past. But if you say this is not true, then aren't you saying you are getting angry about something that does not and cannot exist?
A person's past can be a clue about their future, but not always. People do change. They can change so radically that meeting them later you would never think they could have acted that way in the past. "For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter" (II Corinthians 7:11). That is what happened to Paul.
Perhaps four months hasn't been enough time to build up confidence in her. But what it tells me is that you have a ways to go in learning to love her. Love "is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered" (I Corinthians 13:5). Here is where I think the key lies -- in you developing a true love for her.
