My daughter is engaged to a man that I found out is still married. What do I do?
Question:
This is a complicated situation. The information I have comes from the young man.
This young man got a young girl pregnant. They were together off and on for a couple of years. They applied for a marriage license but did not follow through. They applied the second time about three months later and were married the next day. Neither are Christians.
They stayed together for about a year and a half. They separated but never divorced. I have seen Facebook messages from her stating that she did not have money to file for divorce.
The young man got engaged to my daughter very quickly after they started dating. I told her according to what I had seen on Facebook that he was married. She questioned him on more than one occasion. He always said that he wasn't married and that they just put that on Facebook to make her family happy. I got a copy of the marriage certificate from the circuit clerk's office.
My daughter had already explained to him the significance to their souls if they married, and he wasn't free to remarry. He still claimed to not be married.
My daughter has been baptized and has strong beliefs, but she has made mistakes. She was sexually active with him while they were engaged, and she did not know he was married.
Now he has admitted that he is married, and has been researching the church of Christ's beliefs on marriage, divorce, and remarriage (as he puts it).
He still claims that he didn't know he was truly married until I showed him the marriage certificate. He says he was high on drugs that day, and that they tricked him into getting married. I have seen conversations where he was discussing getting a divorce with a member of his ex's family.
But for the sake of trying to convince them to not endanger their souls, let's say he is telling the truth. That he was tricked, and that he didn't know he was legally married to this girl. Let's also choose to believe all of the information he has given.
He got married but didn't know he was really married. He tried to make this pretend marriage work for the sake of their son. Since we confronted him, he has dug into her past and discovered that she had an affair the day after they were married. So, she committed adultery, but he just found out. He committed adultery but didn't know he was married. They were already separated when he got engaged. They were already separated, and he was engaged when we confronted him with the fact that he was married and explained what the Bible says on marriage, divorce, and remarriage. He has now filed for divorce.
Are they free to remarry?
Answer:
Let's look at the facts again. The young man is a liar. He knew he was married. He knew he had not divorced his wife. It was only after being confronted with evidence that he could not explain away that he admitted he is currently married. Therefore, there is nothing that we can trust regarding what this young man says. I do not accept his claim that he was tricked into marriage or that he got married while he was incapacitated. Consider the fact that he remained with the woman for over a year after the marriage, this alone is evidence that he both knew and accepted the fact that he was married. In any court, it would stand that he was a willing partner in this marriage.
Given that he is married, he cannot enter into a second marriage. It is against God's laws. It is even against the secular laws of the country!
He has been committing adultery with your daughter. Even if he gets a divorce now, it would be because he wants to marry your daughter, not because his wife had committed adultery. He is not an innocent party in this matter.
We also have his admission that he is a drug addict. My question for your daughter is: Why do you think a compulsive liar, adulterer, and drug addict would make a good husband and father of your children?
But there is another matter as well: This description of your daughter as being a Christian with strong beliefs is not being honest either. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). It doesn't matter that she thought she was marrying the man she was committing fornication with. The fact is that she has been committing fornication. This has to stop. She needs to come back to the Lord.
Regarding marriage, since she has not married, she is free to get married, but she needs to do a much better job in finding a good husband.
