My adultery has ruined my marriage. Do you have any advice?
Question:
I would like you to advise me, please. I cheated on my husband. I committed adultery once, and he forgave me when I confessed it to him. But today, I see I did not repent; I only pained my conscience. After forgiving myself, I did it again after a few weeks. I have kept that a secret and lived a double life for over two years.
Recently, my husband had two dreams where he dreamed that I was cheating on him, and he asked me. God directly confronted me when I saw that everything had come to light. I confirmed it with him and told him everything. He is currently deciding whether to divorce me, but he has not decided yet. He asked me if I was aware that my marriage was burning, and I told him yes.
The truth is that I would like to know what else I can do. Right now, I can only see the consequences of my actions, and I am sorry, but he does not believe me. Apart from that, I'm pregnant, and he doubts that the baby is his. I'm sure it's his because I abandoned the relationship with the other person before I got pregnant. But I never dared to confess it until he told me about his dreams. I don't know what else I can do.
If you could give me any advice I would be very grateful.
Answer:
There is no magic to wave away the consequences of sin. You showed no concern for your marriage for two years and only admitted your sin when you were confronted with it. Repentance is changing your attitude toward sin and changing your behavior. Sorrow is not repentance. It is a motivation to repent, but it isn't repentance. Thus, from your husband's view, you lied to him about changing, and you kept lying for two years as you led a double life. Unsurprisingly, he doesn't know if he can believe anything you say.
You must wait until your husband decides and then live with the consequences. If he divorces you, you must remain single for the rest of his life, unless at some later point you can reconcile with him and marry him again (I Corinthians 7:10-11). If you are certain the child is your husband's, then have a paternity test done after the child is born.
In the meantime, you need to stop living for yourself and live for Christ. "Therefore, since Christ has suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same purpose, because he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, so as to live the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for the lusts of men, but for the will of God. For the time already past is sufficient for you to have carried out the desire of the Gentiles, having pursued a course of sensuality, lusts, drunkenness, carousing, drinking parties and abominable idolatries" (I Peter 4:1-3). This isn't just about your marriage. It is about your eternal destiny. If being single is required to reach heaven, then it is more than worth it.
While you have time, be a proper wife. Be open about where you are going and what you plan to do. Demonstrate that you will no longer hide your life behind lies and secrecy. Don't put yourself in compromising places.
