I’ve done so much wrong, I fear it is too late for me


Thank you so much for your web site. The analogy of the young soldier being afraid to die and the old man being afraid to live was very touching to me.

I myself am an agnostic, but then I have a tremendous fear of God, so perhaps this is telling me I do believe in God after all. I have committed some terrible sins in my life in word and deed, which I deeply regret. I don't have much courage to live. I truly am not a good person, but your web site moved me very much, perhaps because one of the persons I hurt very much was born in Nebraska. He is no longer here and died in a very painful way. He was such a kind, loving person and gave so much to the world; not only in his life but continually through a memorial fund he set up. He is just one person I have hurt. I have also deeply hurt my family through drug-addiction -- only marijuana, but it has given me psychosis.

The truth is I am lost, very very lost. I pray for God to take my life. I pray to be allowed an assisted-suicide. Then I found your web site and your words ring so true, but I fear it is too late for me.

Thank you so much for being here and trying to teach people to follow the right road in life, as it is the most precious, compassionate, intelligent task any man can undertake.


"But for him who is joined to all the living there is hope, for a living dog is better than a dead lion" (Ecclesiastes 9:4).

Having worked with a number of people who used marijuana, I get particularly irritated when people say "it's just pot" as if it is some mild drug that causes no harm. I've seen the damage it does to people while on it and the lingering effects it has after they leave it behind.

You can leave the trap of marijuana. I won't say it is easy, it is more a matter of determination. You have to decide that it is your life and that some chemicals in a weed aren't going to control you.

Nor do you have to stay lost. Salvation is offered to everyone freely.

"Seek the LORD while He may be found, call upon Him while He is near. Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the LORD, and He will have mercy on him; and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon. "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways," says the LORD. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts"" (Isaiah 55:6-9).

It is people who try to argue with God that they are not deserving of salvation. It is God who tells a man that a man doesn't understand the ways of God. Of course, God forgives! He knows what He is doing.

"But if a wicked man turns from all his sins which he has committed, keeps all My statutes, and does what is lawful and right, he shall surely live; he shall not die. None of the transgressions which he has committed shall be remembered against him; because of the righteousness which he has done, he shall live. "Do I have any pleasure at all that the wicked should die?" says the Lord GOD, "and not that he should turn from his ways and live?"" (Ezekiel 18:21-23).

Your past doesn't matter if you leave it behind. What matters is who you are today and where you are heading. Sorrow over your wrongs can be a step in the right direction, but only if that sorrow spurs you into action.

"For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter" (II Corinthians 7:10-11).

My friend, you are alive; therefore, it isn't too late to change.


Thank you very much for your kind reply. I read your words with deep understanding. I no longer take any drugs, but my mind has been destroyed. I am terrified of God, I am terrified of life, but I pray for God's forgiveness. I am on welfare, I have a personality disorder, but I am alive. I do not know of what use I can be to the world. I am so lost, but I pray to God to show me the right path.


While there might have been damage, your mind isn't completely destroyed. You write well, and you are able to reason things through, so you have a mind that functions, even if it isn't at peak capacity.

As I mentioned before, you can let fears disable you and keep you from doing anything. Or you can admit you are afraid and move on to do something about your fears. If you are afraid of God, then change so that God would be please to have you as one of His children. "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind" (II Timothy 1:7).

"The LORD is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth. He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him; He also will hear their cry and save them. The LORD preserves all who love Him, but all the wicked He will destroy" (Psalms 145:18-20).


Thank you very much for taking the time to reply to me. I hope that one day God may be pleased to accept me, if not in this life in which I have gone so terribly wrong, then in my next life. I pray I may listen to His words and follow the right path.

Thank you so much.


I understand the appeal of wanting to start over from scratch, but that isn't an option that we are given. This life is the only one you have to work with; that is why you need to do your best now and not think you can delay until later.

"And as it is appointed for men to die once, but after this the judgment" (Hebrews 9:27).

See the topic of Reincarnation for more details.

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