I’ve been living in fear for 11 years. I want to commit suicide, but I don’t know. Can you free me from my demons?
Question:
I have been bound to fear for about 11 years now. I am originally from Africa but living in the Netherlands now. When I was in Africa, a woman threatened to deal with me spiritually. Since then, I have developed a fear for her and her family so I went into hiding. It seems she would cast a spell on my body or clothes anytime she or any of her family saw me. The fear has consistently grown over the years and has extended to other people. Today, even in Europe, if anyone doesn't seem to like me (judging from facial expression), the spirit of fear tells to me to go into hiding from that person so that he doesn't cast a spell on me or my clothes, and so I go into hiding. If I ever come across the person by mistake, I feel something has gone wrong with me. I will then go and wash myself and clothes with water many times for cleansing. Even my room, in fact, anywhere I make contact with must be washed to cleanse it from spiritual contamination.
This thing affects me psychologically, physically, etc. and even my job. I have not told anyone of this before because it is absurd, and so I am ashamed but that is just the truth. I am a Christian and have tried many times to pray for God to deliver me but I don't get answers. The problem even prevents me from going to church particularly in the evenings or nights so that they will not contaminate me unexpectedly. When I go to church by day, I sneak, watching around me carefully so the enemies would not see me. Anytime I go to work I pray to God so I don't see these perceived enemies.
I stumbled across your site and decided to see if you could help me. I am well educated (with an MSc), have a good job and look responsible, but I have serious problems inside as a result of which I hardly make friends. I ran from Africa because I got opportunities for a better job here and more importantly, to escape from witch-hunting. I am afraid of going back, but even here in Europe, this problem is still affecting me terribly. I thought of committing suicide several times, but what is preventing me is the fear of hell. Recently, my mind is being convinced that God would understand since I am not killing another person but myself. He knows my problems are too big for me.
I have tried to search the Bible and there seems to be no recorded suicide case. Perhaps God is not angry with this. Please, sir, I beg of you, if there is anything you can do for me, please do. I desperately need help, and urgently too. I promise to dedicate my life to God and make financial donations regularly to mission fields if I am delivered.
Thanks.
Answer:
You are very wrong about the Bible not mentioning suicide. There are six cases of suicide mentioned (Judges 16:29-30; I Samuel 31:4; I Samuel 31:5; II Samuel 17:23; I Kings 16:18; and Matthew 27:5) and one case of assisted suicide (Judges 9:53-54). These are records of the fact that it happened, but the passages don't let us know whether suicide is right or wrong. For that, we will have to look at other passages. Suicide is a form of murder where the victim is yourself. "Whoever hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him" (I John 3:15). In your own case, you hate what you have become. So, no, you cannot enter heaven while on this path. See "Why is suicide a sin?" for more details.
What you are suffering from is called paranoia. You think you are being persecuted by others, yet at the same time, you logically know that it is not true. Paranoia doesn't mean you are mentally disabled. I have a friend who suffers from it and he holds multiple masters degrees. So the first thing that needs to be done is to figure out if something is physically wrong with you. For that, you need to see a doctor and honestly tell him what is going on. He can then proscribe tests to see if there is something not working correctly in your body.
Once we know what you are dealing with, then it becomes easier to work on living with it and controlling its effects on your life. You know that the thoughts that you are having are not right though they seem so real to you at the moment. You need to latch on to truth and not let your emotions run wild with you. The truth is that witchcraft isn't real. It is merely things people do to get others believing in lies. You got fooled by the lady in Africa. See "Is Witchcraft Real?" for details.
So don't give Satan a victory by letting him continue to play you for a fool. "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world" (I Peter 5:8-9). If you take the coward's way out and kill yourself, Satan will have won this battle. I think you are better than that.
