I’m worn out being a wife to my husband


Good afternoon,

I have been married for over ten years and have been abundantly blessed with children. These past years have been a nightmare.

I cannot be married to him anymore. I just cannot do this anymore.

He is a very angry man. He mismanages the finances, has made so many terrible decisions, and we are in so much debt. He constantly tells me I am lazy and useless because I am at home with our kids. This is not the worst of what he says to me. Instead of being a husband who is involved in his home (yard work, cutting the grass, fixing up things around the house, seeing to the cars), he chooses to play video games until 4 in the morning -- 2 hours before he has to go to work.

He is completely uninvolved in the raising of our kids (something that I have made peace with years ago), and mostly he is like an uncle who comes for a coffee visit 2 or 3 times a week.

He firmly believes that because he works a physical 9-5 (and I am too lazy to get a "real job") that he has to do nothing. Absolutely nothing at all. A Hello, a hug, and how's your day been -- that's it for years of marriage. The only reason I am still standing after years of emotional rejection and verbal slander is because of my relationship with Jesus Christ, my belief in the Truth, and the strength God has imparted into my life.

I know my husband doesn't truly have a relationship with Christ. I know he doesn't truly understand the nature of what God wants us to be as husband and wife.

But I cannot go on anymore. I am lonely. I am utterly disappointed. I am so angry and confused toward God, and why He would allow me (I know my free will plays the lead role) to marry this man.

When I met him I was 18 years old, he said all the right things, served in the Sunday school, went to all the midweek cell groups, and prayed with me. I thought he was saved. I thought he had God as his all in all. This marriage has shown me anything but that. But it's too late now, right?

I cannot leave. In the beginning, I wanted to. I even sought out the attention of men who told me that I am valuable, worthwhile, beautiful, and a wonderful mom while my husband was calling me useless and good for nothing. I know now that was sinning and sincerely repented. I made sure for years  that I was doing everything possible to be a perfect wife and mom in every way.

And at the end of the day? I would cry myself to sleep, alone in my bed, while my husband logged on to play games until 4 in the morning.

What must I do?

There are days I cry out to God to take my husband away so that I can find freedom. So that maybe, just maybe, I have the opportunity to meet a man filled with the love of God, that will serve with me, love my kids, and love me. I am in my thirties, but I feel like I am in my seventies.

People looking in from the outside will describe me as a woman of deep faith. My relationship with Jesus is important to me. My salvation and that of my family are important to me. I am a loving, bubbly, kind, and big-hearted woman. I love to serve, give, and help. I want to wash the feet of those who cannot wash mine. But inside, I am a shadow of who I was years ago. Marriage has done this to me.

He is not interested in marriage or financial counseling. He doesn't feel like he is doing anything at all. What must I do?

I am done praying. I am done talking. I just need to know what to do?

Thank you.


If you divorced your husband, you would not be allowed to marry another person (I Corinthians 7:10-11). You would be choosing to be a single mom raising your children. While it would isolate you from your husband's debts, it would not cure your loneliness or make your husband improve. It would also force you to look for work because I doubt your husband would be able to supply enough income to support you and the children in a separate household since he can't do it in a single household.

Yes, the man you married is a poor husband and a poor father. He obviously isn't interested in changing. The only person you can change is yourself. Instead of making your happiness dependent on another person, you need to find ways to be happy regardless of your husband's behavior. It is nice to get compliments but you don't need the approval of another person to know you are doing what is right. See The Pursuit of Happiness.

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