I’m planning to get married and we are already having sex, so can we continue until marriage?


Well, I am getting married in November of next year. Is it okay, as I am already making love to my husband-to-be and have been since he took my virginity, to continue? Is there a way to make our relationship pure? How do we invite God in our love life, including our sex life, to have a blessed sex life, if it is possible? I know this is a long question, but it's been on my mind like forever.


I'm glad you have found a man with whom you plan to spend the rest of your life. However, you are going about it the wrong way and are now asking how to make God go along with your sin. God stated that sex outside of marriage is a sin, that is what the word "fornication" means. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). There are no waivers. Inside the covenant of marriage, sex is expected. Outside of marriage, sex is forbidden. God states that He has no dealings with sinners. "This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth" (I John 1:5-6).

Think about it. You are talking about getting married over a year and a half from now. A lot can happen between now and then. You could get pregnant because no method of contraception is perfect. He could get hit by a truck tomorrow. You just don't know what the future holds.

If you want to get back on track, the first thing both of you need to do is acknowledge that your current sex life is a sin. It is not what God wants for you or him. As Diana's brothers once said, it is "a thing which ought not to be done" (Genesis 34:7). Next, you need to repent of your sin; that is, you need to change so that you are no longer sinning. "I tell you, no; but unless you repent you will all likewise perish" (Luke 13:3). You have two options:

  1. Stop the sex. If you are living together, move out. Then you can build a relationship together that doesn't revolve solely around sex. Get to know your man and he gets to know you. Look forward to sex when you actually get married and then it will be more enjoyable because all the pressures, such as trying to avoid pregnancy, will be gone.
  2. Stop the sex and go and get married. Then you will have a legitimate reason for living together and having a sexual relationship. There is no reason why you cannot get married since you are already acting as a married couple anyway. So make it real instead of pretending.
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