I’m getting interested in a girl, do you have any advice?
Question:
Hello,
I was wondering: one of my good friends is a woman (I am 22, she's 18). The relationship is developing into a good friendship, and probably going to lead to learning the Bible more together and practicing what is said in the Bible, such as evangelism, repentance, praying, and the like. We are doing these things on our own already, but we are learning just how to do them. We will probably get better insight the more we read the Bible and do some of the stuff together, basically applying what is read to our lives.
I was wondering if you had any advice? We are interested in each other in the sense of being attracted, getting along well, and wanting to grow spiritually together. But her and my goal are to grow more spiritually close before thinking of dating or courting -- or if that subject even comes up. It matters what God wants and how we view each other months down the road, or even years. Because I want the next girl I do date, or however, you want to put it, to be my wife and to make it surrounded by God totally. Sorry if it seems weird if I add that, but that kind of gives you an idea about the situation. I would like to receive advice from people I know who seem to have a good spiritual life and live it. I like to get advice all around, not just from my own point of view, but from many people that I know I can trust their point of view.
Anyhow, take care and again thanks for always being kind and nice to me. God bless.
Answer:
"Do not rebuke an older man, but exhort him as a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger as sisters, with all purity" (I Timothy 5:1-2).
My problem is that I have tons of advice and you have given me a wide-open field. I don't think I can write it all down in a reasonable period of time.
I'm glad you are taking a long term approach to your relationship. Probably the worse thing that people do early on is rush matters. Early relationships are based on imagination. It has to be that way because you know so little about the other person. Sometimes those assumptions are accurate, but often they are inaccurate. As you get to know each other, the assumptions are replaced by reality. The more you know somebody, the more you discover they are not as you imagined them to be. It might be a good thing, or you might discover you don't like the real person.
At this stage, learn all you can about each other. Keep your relationship public. When you are with each other, make sure that there is someone else there as well. Not that I'm saying anything improper would happen, but to remove any unneeded temptation. When Paul was arranging for money to be sent to aid needy Christians in Judea, he insisted that the churches select someone to travel with him to carry the money. It is not that Paul couldn't be trusted with the money, but "providing honorable things, not only in the sight of the Lord, but also in the sight of men" (II Corinthians 8:21). You need to apply this same rule to your own relationship. Make sure that you not only do the honorable thing but also make sure that it appears to others that you are doing the honorable thing.
If you two decide that you are interested in each other, consider the old fashion approach of approaching her parents. Tell them that you have an interest in their daughter and would they mind if you dated her. Many of today's parents would be floored to be asked. They spend more thought on protecting their daughter than being asked permission. But it will establish a good relationship with her family, which is necessary if you do decide to marry. And again it keeps everything above board and honorable.
If you two get more serious about each other, let me know and I'll have further suggestions.
"There are three things which are too wonderful for me, yes, four which I do not understand: the way of an eagle in the air, the way of a serpent on a rock, the way of a ship in the midst of the sea, and the way of a man with a virgin" (Proverbs 30:18-19).
