I’m depressed that my girlfriend isn’t a virgin
Question:
Hello,
I am 21. I am not very sensitive. I can easily overcome any bad time, but these days something very bad happened to me -- actually, I don't know if it is bad, or if I'm making it worse.
Starting with me: I like girls and I always wanted to have a female partner with me. I had a girlfriend for two months, but that was not actually a relationship, maybe because of how little time we had. I started college life a few months before, and I got a partner. I love her so much. I also have some lust. We were going well. She is very possessive of me.
We love each so much, but a few days before in anger she told me she had sex with her ex-boyfriend three years ago. She also told me that they were in a relationship for only four months. She then added that she had sex again with the same guy a few months before when she started college, though they are just friends and not in a relationship.
I am very depressed, but the thing is, I also had sex with five sluts, though I'm not that kind of guy. I told her this on the same day as her confession. She did not react to my story, but I am very upset with her, though I'm not showing this to her. She does not even feel guilty about what she did. She says she was not able to control her feelings. She felt lust, so she shared a bed with a guy whom she knew (her ex-boyfriend). In my imagination, she is repeatedly having sex with her ex, but I don't want to think that way. I love her so much and she also loves me strongly.
What must I do to overcome this depression? I want a happy future with her. I don't want to feel anything negative about the fact that she has lost her virginity. I also had fun with sluts, but I'm depressed about her and why she did have sex.
I know my dreams of sleeping with her first time have broken, but I want to continue with her.
Give me the answer as soon as possible.
Answer:
I'm shaking my head, both at the cavalier way you think about committing fornication and the double standard that you apply to other people but not to yourself.
When a guy repeatedly has sex with multiple women, whom he calls sluts, how is it that he too is not a bum? How can you say that you have committed fornication with multiple women and then turn around and say you are not that kind of guy? Your actions better describe who you are than your words. "You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore by their fruits you will know them" (Matthew 7:16-20).
While you excuse the fact that you've committed fornication with multiple women, you hold it against your girlfriend that she had sex with one man. Both of you are equally in sin, but I want to point out how you use different standards for other people than you use for yourself.
Further, you have been lusting to have sex with your current girlfriend; yet, I see nothing about a desire to marry her first. You are annoyed that you won't be her first, even though she won't be your first. You aren't ashamed of what you did. You refer to it as fun. But you are annoyed that she isn't ashamed of what she did.
The whole situation is disgusting because there is no consideration of correct behavior before God. "Let us behave properly as in the day, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual promiscuity and sensuality, not in strife and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts" (Romans 13:13-14).
