I’m depressed and about to be homeless. At 64 years old, I cannot live like this
Question:
I am depressed and about to be homeless. I am mentally and physically sick. 64 years old I cannot live like this. I feel that wanting to die, attempting suicide, or just waiting to die on the street are all the same. I do not feel any connection to God anymore so I know He has abandoned me. My Dad committed suicide and I cannot escape this trait it seems. I will suffer unbearably on the streets and I cannot let that happen. If I am destined to be unsaved I suppose I can't do anything about it. I love you and I love Jesus, but I can't stand the pain.
Answer:
Not knowing your situation, I cannot comment on why you are about to become homeless. Given the many organizations, both private and governmental, established to help people find living space and food, I can only conclude that you have not sought help and are now depressed that you have not received help.
That you have abandoned God and now "feel" no connection to him does not mean the Lord has abandoned you. You are acting more like the small child covering up his ears and screaming at his parents "I can't hear you." "Behold, the LORD'S hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; nor His ear heavy, that it cannot hear. But your iniquities have separated you from your God; and your sins have hidden His face from you, so that He will not hear" (Isaiah 59:1-2). So, don't blame God for your own shortcomings. God has the solution to your problems, but you must be willing to drop your personal pride and seek His help.
The fact that one person in a family was foolish enough to commit suicide because he didn't have the courage to deal with life does not imply that everyone else in the family is destined to follow the same cowardly path.
No one is destined to be without salvation. "The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance" (II Peter 3:9). If you die unsaved it will be due to your own choice, not the Lord's choice. Given that salvation is freely offered to all men, turning it down would be another mark of foolishness on your part.
Jesus said, "If you love Me, keep My commandments" (John 14:15). If you end your life because you have given up, you demonstrate by your disobedience and your lack of love for the one who offered his life so you might have a chance to truly live.
Now, if you are done with your self-pity party, get out and talk to your local minister or social worker about your situation. Or better, go down to your local hospital and tell them about your misery. Find out what your actual options are instead wallowing in the misery of your imagination.
