If you become best friends, isn’t there a danger of the girl not wanting to marry you because she only sees you as a friend or a brother?

Answer:

"Beware lest anyone cheat you through philosophy and empty deceit, according to the tradition of men, according to the basic principles of the world, and not according to Christ" (Colossians 2:8).

While reading your note, I was thinking of something the heroine of the Song of Solomon told her husband, "Oh, that you were like my brother, who nursed at my mother's breasts! If I should find you outside, I would kiss you; I would not be despised" (Song of Solomon 8:1). In their day, outward displays of affection were frowned upon, even between married couples. Yet, siblings could show affection for each other without shame. In that same book, one of the strongest terms of endearment comes after Solomon and she are married. "You have ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse; you have ravished my heart with one look of your eyes, with one link of your necklace" (Song of Solomon 4:9). Siblings were close and to say that someone was as close to his heart as his sister was a compliment.

Yes, today's world has lost the perspective of what marriage is really about. Is it any wonder that every institution of marriage is being corrupted today? People today want to marry but somehow keep their distance. That is why you see an emphasis on physical joining (sex) without the joining of the people as life partners through marriage. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). This statement isn't limited to just a physical union. The two people become a single unit -- a family. In speaking of one's wife, God said, "Yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant" (Malachi 2:14). It is the adulteress woman "who forsakes the companion of her youth, and forgets the covenant of her God" (Proverbs 2:17).

A woman who doesn't want to marry her closest friend doesn't understand what marriage is about. She is trying to maintain an unhealthy distance that could cause problems later on. It is interesting that older women are to teach or "that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children" (Titus 2:4). The word for "love" here is philandros, a compound word meaning the love of a husband. The first half of the word, phileo is the affection between friends and family members. A marriage relationship has its roots in the deep affection of friendship.

I find most interesting that at the moment Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher hold the world's record for the longest marriage -- 86 years and still going. They were asked, "How did you know your spouse was the right one for you?" Their reply was, "We grew up together & were best friends before we married. A friend is for life - our marriage has lasted a lifetime." ["Longest Married," Twitter.com].

It is because the world denies this that it allows people to leave their spouse when the erotic attraction dies down. There are no other ties of friendship or devotion that holds them together, so they walk out. Some build the proper ties after marriage, but it should have been forming from well before marriage.

Sometimes a girl says, "you're like a brother to me" to mean "I know too many of your flaws, and they have taken away my desire to marry you, though I still like you overall." But there lies another problem. Many girls look for a perfect man to be their husband. What they don't know can be filled in with imagination, but reality can't be denied. Too many girls want their imaginations instead of an actual person. These are the types of women who have a really hard time adjusting to marriage because eventually reality sinks in and they must face the fact that their husbands aren't as perfect as they imagined. Again, some overcome and proper relationships form, but why start with rough waters when you can have smooth sailing?

Passion has its place, but it is not the first or primary aspect of a relationship as the world wishes to pretend.