If I had the money, I would pay the lobola


Morning minister of God,

I have been dating a girl from church for over five years. When it started, we agreed not to do anything that would separate us from God. We managed for several months, but before we knew it, we were sleeping together. This actually ruined our relationship with God because I cannot pray as I used to, and says the same is true for her.
Thus, I need help because I planned to dump her several times in order to fix things with God, but I failed.
I love her so much. If I had money now, I would bravely go and pay a lobola, but the problem is that I'm not even working.


"Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. ... But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:1,9).

The paying of a lobola, or dowry, is a tradition that is not required by God in the Bible. Traditions are nice to keep, but not when attempting to keep them puts you in conflict with the teachings of God. In every country, there is an option of a civil marriage that is almost always inexpensive.

That you don't have a job is another problem. It is required of Christians to work: "For even when we were with you, we used to give you this order: if anyone is not willing to work, then he is not to eat, either" (II Thessalonians 3:10). I am assuming that the problem is that good jobs are hard to find in your area. That might mean that you have to take a job that is not as good or doesn't pay as well as you hope. It might mean that you will have to move to some other location that does have jobs available.

But notice what you are doing. You avoid marriage because you don't have income, but you are having sex with a girl and each time you take a risk of getting her pregnant. Any children you have is your responsibility to raise and support. This doesn't make sense when you are jobless -- let alone the fact that you are breaking God's law for your personal pleasure. This isn't about a problem regarding your prayer life. This is a problem with facing God's judgment. "Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4).


I highly appreciate your advice, minister. Thank you very much.

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