If I had sex with someone, does that mean we can’t get married?
Question:
I am a born-again Christian with a history of having multiple sexual partners (main chick and side-chicks). I got saved and gave my life to Christ, though I still could not control my sexual desires; hence, I continued to practice fornication. I repented and changed but ended up having sex with one lady from my church who is also born-again. I broke the relationship we had and decided to focus on my service to God, which went on for a month. Yesterday, I ended up having sex with her. I realized my sin and repented. We agreed we can't fornicate again but wait until the right time.
I promised her I will marry her in a year, but I am been told by my spiritual mentor that I can't marry her because we already had sex. Is there anything I can do to marry her or do I just need to let her go? She really has hopes in me, and I don't want to disappoint her. Her being an orphan makes me want to be there for her. What if I marry her and regret it later on? There is nothing wrong with her and the only difference is that I am an undergraduate but she dropped out of school at the secondary level due to a lack of school fees.
Answer:
I know of no statement by God which says people who commit fornication cannot marry. In fact, Exodus 22:16-17 indicates the opposite. "If a man entices a virgin who is not betrothed, and lies with her, he shall surely pay the bride-price for her to be his wife. If her father utterly refuses to give her to him, he shall pay money according to the bride-price of virgins" (Exodus 22:16-17). One ought to marry instead of remaining in sin. "Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband" (I Corinthians 7:2).
If you are certain this is the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, then it is better to get married now instead of later. "But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:9).
A big concern on my part is that you claimed to have become a Christian without giving up your sins of fornication. An essential step in meeting the Lord's requirements for salvation is to repent of your sins. Repentance means changing your mind about the acceptability of sin and changing your behavior. See How to Become a Christian. You have started to change, but you are still allowing sin into your life.
