If a guy is drunk at his wedding, is he really married?
Question:
My "soulmate" had gotten himself in a messy situation about ten years ago. We had been dating but had split due to distance. While I was gone he started seeing another girl (at the time he was 18) whom he slept with. When I returned, however, he told me that it was me he loved and wanted to be with, but, of course, he needed to fix what happened. Shortly after he headed to her house to break things off, but she had dropped the bombshell on him that she was pregnant.
Now at the time we were young and we did attend church, but being young and foolish we had been skeptical about the whole thing, so it is possible that God made this happen to teach him something. He comes from a small judgmental town. His family was pushing marriage and so he was lost about what it was he should do, and he came to me for answers. I knew that he would never forgive himself for turning his back on his child, and the girl was threatening to keep the child from him if he did not marry her. He was a mess. I loved this guy my entire life, pretty much. I knew that I would be all right, with or without him as mine. I love him and I know he loved me and that was all that really mattered. I knew that he would never forgive himself for turning his back on his child and I would never forgive myself for allowing him to do such a thing for me and watch him be hurt over it. So I told him the only thing I could think of. I told him that I loved him and would stand by him, support him and understand whatever he had chosen to do because I loved him.
He decided to listen to his family, take on the responsibility, and marry the other girl. I never attended his wedding because he thought if I was there he'd never be able to go through with it. As it was, he ended up getting drunk to take his vows.
Afterward, I noticed that he still held an emotional affair with me, and at times tried to turn it into more when he was weak. I had to become the strength for both of us and remind him of the choice he had made and that he had to follow through with that commitment. He agreed, but after a while, I had to distance myself entirely to keep him dedicated to his commitment. I felt horrible, but I believe highly in marriage and faithfulness. So much so that even though I cannot be with this man, I have never, nor will I ever, commit myself to anyone else.
Anyway now I have been wondering about a simple question: Would his marriage even be valid in the eyes of God, when he had been forced into something he didn't really want to do and had to intoxicate himself to be able to take vows he had never wanted to take? I'm just worried now that he may have made his situation worse and has not paid for his sins but created more.
Answer:
Sins have consequences and those consequences serve as motivation to not continue in sin. However, people don't pay for their sins in the sense of paying off a sin. The point of one of Jesus' parables is that the debt we owe to God because of our sins is beyond our ability to pay (Matthew 18:23-35). That is why it took the Son of God to come to earth to pay our debt. "Knowing that you were not redeemed with corruptible things, like silver or gold, from your aimless conduct received by tradition from your fathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot" (I Peter 1:18-19).
Your friend made numerous mistakes. He committed fornication which led to a child. But though he was willing to have sex with this woman, he claims that he doesn't love her. Yet, he married her anyway. Yes, I understand that he was pressured by his family into making this choice, but the truth that he doesn't want to face is that he began his choice when he pulled down his pants. He did not have to make the choices that he did, but now that he has made them, he must live with them.
He married this woman, drunk at the time or not. The wedding was planned. He knew in advance that he was getting married. No one pulled any tricks on him. He is bound to her as long as they both live.
You need to stop thinking of this guy as your one and only or your soul mate. He is merely a man you would have married if he had managed to behave himself. He didn't. He managed to make himself miserable. It is sad to see, but it no longer involves you. You need to move on.
