I was engaged to a woman, but I married the woman I got pregnant. Now she refuses to divorce me
Question:
Kindly advise me on what to do.
I got a lady impregnated. When she told me, I said if that be the case then she has to keep it, but she refused. She insisted that she would abort it. I disagreed with her, but she insisted on aborting it. She demanded money at that time, which I gave her part of it. Ever since she stopped picking up my calls. She didn't call me for months. When I said she should continue the pregnancy is not because I loved her, but because I wanted to take responsibility for what I caused. I would carry my cross.
After she has stopped communicating with me, I soon met the lady I long awaited for. I asked her out. She accepted me. We started dating and she asked me if this was just a boyfriend and girlfriend thing. I told her that I wanted to marry her. I made promises to her. I even went to meet her parents to make my intentions known to them. We started dating and along the way, I told her about what happened in the past -- that I got a lady impregnated and I asked her to keep the child and she refused to do so, and ever since we've stopped communicating.
Four months later this lady came uninvited to my place -- still pregnant and still using drugs. I told her I am now dating someone else and that's the person I want to marry. Then her mother called me to ask what's happening, and I explained to her what her daughter did and that I had proposed to another lady already that I want to marry, including that I had told her parents of my intentions, so I said I can't marry your daughter. A few days later the pregnant lady came again and ask me to please marry her because she doesn't want her mother to be disgraced in the family. Her parents are separated and they will start insulting her mum. I told her that day that it was not possible because apart from the fact that I promised the other lady whom I love, I have also entered into an oath with her that I wouldn't leave her for someone else and she did the same thing.
Later when I went to the other lady's place, I told her what the pregnant lady said. She asked what does she want and how do I intend to assist her? I said I don't know. I suggested that if I enter into a marriage with her and everyone sees that she's married, after some time we'll go to court and secretly divorce each other. Later I told the pregnant lady my conclusion and the other lady was also there. The pregnant lady accepted.
We did the wedding and everyone came. After the wedding, she moved into my house and we started living together. After her delivery, I called her one day in hopes that she hadn't forgotten our agreement. She said, "What agreement was that?" She claims she never said such a thing. I even gave her options if she would like to travel out of the country or stay in the country to do business. She said she'll stay at my house to do business. She is making myself and the other lady look like we are fools by trying to assist her with her problem.
People of God, please advise me what to do because I can't ever let go of the one I love for her.
Answer:
I find myself amazed at the lack of thought you put into your own life. The first woman didn't have to do anything to make you look like a fool. Unfortunately, you willingly did this yourself.
You committed fornication with one woman and got her pregnant. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). The woman claims to want an abortion (murdering of an innocent child) and you actually gave her money toward that end. Though you said you didn't agree with the abortion, your actions speak louder than your words.
You became engaged to a different woman, but you married the first woman because of your guilt over getting her pregnant. You planned before you even entered a marriage that you were going to break your covenant made before God. "Walk prudently when you go to the house of God; and draw near to hear rather than to give the sacrifice of fools, for they do not know that they do evil. Do not be rash with your mouth, And let not your heart utter anything hastily before God. For God is in heaven, and you on earth; Therefore let your words be few. For a dream comes through much activity, And a fool's voice is known by his many words. When you make a vow to God, do not delay to pay it; For He has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you have vowed" (Ecclesiastes 5:1-4). Again you claim one thing, but you turn around and did something contradictory to your words.
Now that you have committed yourself to a woman, you realize what has been clear all along -- she doesn't keep her word. Not that what she told you in the case of the child or divorcing you was a proper thing to promise. In both cases, she was promising to do evil.
You have given your vow before God to be a husband to this woman for the rest of your lives. That vow remains. "For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man" (Romans 7:2-3). Even if you divorced her, it would not give you the right to marry another woman because the divorce would not be due to her sexual sins. "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery" (Matthew 19:9). If anyone is likely to be involved in adultery, it sounds like it would be you. The adulterer has no right to a second marriage because of his vow and his sins.
I really feel sorry for the child you two brought into the world.
