I want to marry my girlfriend, but her mother objects. What am I to do?
Question:
My question is simple. My girlfriend and I are fighting some because of her family. We have been together for seven years already. We just become Christians a few months ago. We were growing together so much, but her mother keeps telling her that she hates me, and she doesn't want me. I told my girlfriend that I really want to marry her, but she doesn't want it because of her mother. I did some mistakes in the past. She did too, but that was before we become Christians. I don't know what to think or do because we are fighting. She says she has to obey her mother. I love my girlfriend. If God wants this for me, I think I have to accept it, but I don't understand because of her I became a Christian. Because of that, I saved her in turn. Otherwise, she would have kept doing badly in her past job. I helped stop her from doing bad and to follow God. She is safe now. We have gone through too many things together, bad and good. Now her mother keeps telling her that I'm a bad person. By the way, her mother is not a Christian. The only thing I have been doing is to help my girlfriend and never leave her alone.
Answer:
There is a reason why the Bible says, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). In order to marry, those involved have to separate themselves from their parents. You are interested in marrying her, not her mother, though you need to get along with her mother as best that you can. "If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men" (Romans 12:18).
The claim that she must obey her mother is a false one. God said, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right" (Ephesians 6:1). The phrase "in the Lord" is a critical one. A child owes a parent obedience in the things that are scriptural. "In the Lord" means with the authority of Christ. If her mother had a biblical reason for saying that you would not make a good husband for her daughter, that would be a different matter. A second flaw is that this command is directed to children, not adults.
You have to make up your mind. Do you want to continue investing yourself in a woman who refuses to marry you, or move on and find a woman who wants you as her husband? It is a difficult decision. We often look at how much we've spent and think that we don't want to lose that investment. But you have to look at the future. If it looks like marriage is not likely, then a further effort is not going to change that.
When you come to grips with that, what I suggest is that you tell her that you deeply want to marry her and that it grieves you that she doesn't feel the same way. Then tell her goodbye.
Realizing that you won't wait forever for her might spur her to the decision she should have made. But if she lets you go, then you must face the hard reality that she really didn't love you because "Love never fails" (I Corinthians 13:8).
Response:
Thank you. It helps so much to understand everything. Thank you. God bless you.
