Question:

Hi!

I found your site and am hoping to get advice on relationships.

I have been dating a guy for a year. Late last fall, he cut off all communication with me. Recently.  when I asked him why he ghosted me, after a lot of persuasions, he finally told me that his ex was pregnant with his child and gave birth around the same time he went quiet. He says he didn't know about it until his ex approached him when she was almost due. This means he cheated on me while we were still together earlier last year but didn't know about the baby. He told me that he still wants to be close friends. The reason he stopped communicating with me was that he didn't want to hurt me. He also did not want me to get involved in the mess he made.

I still feel like I'm in love with him because I'm actually glad he said we could remain friends but sad knowing that we'll never be together.

The girl's parents are forcing him to marry her but he doesn't want to be with her. What should I do? I forgave him and some part of me wishes that we'll end up together, though I know that there's no chance of that happening since, to him, it's not an option and it'll be very complicated.

Please assist.

Answer:

What I gathered from your note is that you were dating a boy who told you he had broken up with his ex-girlfriend, but in reality, he was having sex with both her and you. His ex-girlfriend's parents are demanding that he marry their daughter and be a father to his child.

First off, while there may be strong pressure to marry, no one can be forced to marry another person. Thus, regardless of what he says, he is choosing to marry this other woman. His statement that he wants to remain friends is, therefore, suspicious because a married man should not stay in contact with women he slept with in the past. My guess is that he is hoping to continue to have sex with you. By playing a victim in this matter, he is hoping to soften you up with sympathy.

He is not a victim of events. He chose to try to date two women at once. He chose to have sex with both of you. He is choosing to marry the woman who had his child.

You have only one choice -- break off all contact with this bum and then straighten out your own life. You've been committing sin, violating the command not to commit fornication (I Corinthians 6:9-10). He clearly is a charmer, but he is using his charm to trap women in sin. Walk away from the snare.

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