I really messed up. How do I restore my relationship with my fiance?

Answer:

If the situation were reversed and you found out that your fiance was not just working late but also having sex with a co-worker, how would you feel? Would you be eager to continue your wedding plans or would you want to step back and sort through both your feelings and what you now know?

Of course, he is deeply hurt! Can a person forgive such sin? Of course. It is required. "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses" (Matthew 6:14-15). But will he marry you? That is a totally different question.

The problem is that this is far more than just sex. You demonstrated that you have a major character flaw that needs to be corrected before you would make someone a suitable wife.

First, look at your stated motivation: you didn't think you were getting enough attention, so you sought it elsewhere. I'm hoping by "attention" that you are not meaning sex, but given the world today, I would not be surprised if you did mean this.

Second, you said that there was pressure, which indicates that you think that you were pressured into finding companionship elsewhere. This is simply a false statement, but it hints at a person reluctant to accept responsibility for her decisions, especially her bad decisions.

Next, you picked a man who was already committed to marry your best friend. Perhaps you thought it was safer, you didn't say and I don't know, but as an outside observer, I can state that it is never good to find companionship with the opposite sex when you are committed to someone else. It doesn't look good and the potential problems are very high. This is not just an indictment against you, he is equally responsible for failing his fiance. However, what does this say about a woman's moral standards when she is willing to have sex with her best friend's fiance? Somewhere there are severe problems in her standards.

To your credit, you did put a stop to it before you were discovered. That tells me you do have a conscience and that you do want to do what is right. But I think by now you'll agree that your fiance's considers and considerations are justified.

I don't know what he'll decide. However, we can talk about what you need to do. "For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter" (II Corinthians 7:10-11). You are going to have to change the way you think about what you perceive to be slights. You are going to have to realize that you are not the center of your world. And you are going to have to accept responsibility for your decisions.

What you did has changed your future relationships. You probably lost your best friend, especially if she decides to marry her fiance anyway. You may or may not lose your fiance. Much will depend on whether he believes whether you've changed or not. These decisions are ones others will make, which are out of your control. All you can do for the moment is be prepared to live with the result because both are a result of your decision to commit fornication and decisions like that cannot be reversed.

So tell your fiance that while you love him and still wish to be his wife, you admit that this affair was your fault and that you'll respect his decision and not hold it against him if he decides not to marry you.