I need some advice on my position with Christ
Question:
I have some questions about marriage and my position in Christ that I would like you to help me with.
I was married, I believe. Although it was a Christian marriage, it was like we came together and stayed. It has been three years so far in this kind of marriage. As a couple, we had our ups and downs, whereby we both complained about each other's actions and behavior. I can't talk about her behavior, but as for me, I wronged her. I tried to look for validation, and as a result, I cheated on her with another lady several times.
I was living the life of an unbeliever. I would drink alcohol occasionally which destroyed my inner spirit. Last year, I was arrested for not paying my debts. I wasn't taken to court. My wife came and helped me out. When I went home, my dad called me and asked if I could bring her home and have a prayer since I had been having a difficult year financially. After this prayer, I became afraid. Something whispered that I should tell my wife that I cheated on her and that the lady whom I cheated on her with was pregnant. I confessed to her last summer. Since then, I wanted to take a different direction in my life. She listened to me and told me she was ready to forgive me if I would let her make all the arrangements on how to handle the situation, which I agreed.
After the Christmas holiday, we visited my parents, and she asked me if she could return to our house on her own. I would come later. I agreed since I was helping my parents. When I called her, I felt that she had been lying, and she wasn't at our house. When I returned to my house, she had vacated it with everything, including our child. She left my clothes and my ID, but she carried off all my certifications.
She told me she won't be returning since I cheated on her. During this time, I started praying, and I chose to live a new life as a true Christian.
My question is: Should I wait for her? Should I marry the lady I committed adultery with since she has my child? Or should I wait for the Lord since I feel I am going through His punishment for my disobedience?
Answer:
Your note left me with some questions. You left me with the impression that you did not have a wedding. Instead, it sounds like you moved in together and counted that as a marriage. If I misunderstood, could you let me know? It will make a difference in my answer.
Question:
That is the case.
Answer:
Since you only pretended to be married, what you had been doing is called fornication (or sexual immorality) in the Bible. While you were having sex with one woman, you were having sex with another woman behind her back. You ended up getting both women pregnant. In addition to getting drunk and spending more than you make, you have been lying about your marital status. You didn't have a Christian marriage; you had no marriage at all.
You have responsibilities to the children you sired. You will need to ensure that they are taken care of as they grow.
I'm glad you want to be a true Christian. For details on how to do so, see How to Become a Christian. Being a Christian is more than claiming a name. It is a life that you live that brings glory to God. For that, you need to learn from God what He requires of you.
Regarding who you marry, that is up to you regarding who you ask, and it is up to the woman whether she accepts. You must choose a wife who will encourage you to live faithfully to God. I suspect neither woman fits that criteria, but I don't know them. You don't select a wife based on whether you can talk her into sex or whether you can get the woman pregnant. Good doesn't come from sin.
