I married a man, not realizing what he was like or what his past was. What do I do?

Question:

I got married several years ago to someone that I really didn’t know. We met in the fall and married the following summer. It was one of the most foolish things that I have done, and have regretted it every single day.

I believed he was a Christian. He lied about who he was and about his past. I didn’t even know that he couldn’t write, as in illiteracy. After I married him, things fell apart. He is a believer, but I do not believe that he is born again. He has never, nor will he surrender or submit to the Lord. He will not repent of anything, ever. No conflict in our marriage has ever been resolved because he is unwilling to resolve conflict. He opposes getting along. He opposes honesty. He opposes intimacy. He opposes the Bible. He lies all the time about everything. I can see him do something and he will argue, lie, defend, and deny his behavior. I have counseled him on how we are to live our lives, and what the Bible says. I tried to teach, counsel, discipline, read the Bible with him -- nothing works, ever. He has so much hate, bitterness, and unforgiveness, and will not even admit this, and ask the Lord for help. Everything that comes out of his mouth is negative, hateful, venomous. It has been so exasperating and draining.

I recently connected with his ex-wife via the internet and then phone. It was confirmation of what I had believed, more. She left him because she couldn't stand to be around him anymore. She had the exact same problems with him, even down to having separate rooms, and no sex. However, he also had multiple affairs against his previous wife, multiple job losses, etc. But of course, everything is always someone else’s fault. He takes no accountability for anything he ever does. The situation seems utterly impossible.

I would have left, but feel like I have been hemmed in. I know all things are possible through God, but Jesus won’t act against a person’s will, and my husband rejects God’s will and word in his life. He appears to lack a conscience.

Less than a year after we married, we left our jobs and moved to another state (he had bought a house). Things continued to worsen, or let’s say, I saw his behavior more and was so shocked and appalled. Within less than a year, he got into a conflict with the neighbors. I wasn’t there, but he told me some of the things he said. I asked him to reconcile, but he would not. Long story short, they burned down our home. Then the insurance wouldn’t pay. We hired an attorney to represent us. Things continued to go from bad to worse. We had two attorneys who ended up defrauding us, so we never got a dime for our house or belongings. I’m not concerned about possessions, but if we had gotten some compensation without being defrauded, then I would have been able to leave.

My husband found work, but I have been unable to find work since we moved. The Lord has also told me by way of two dreams and a vision that I was not to go back to the state that I was originally from. I want out of the marriage so bad but cannot find a way of escape. My husband seems to be getting darker and scarier all the time. I am crushed, broken, and scared. I can say that the Lord has used my ‘bad choices’ to refine me, as I have cried and begged daily, endlessly, for the Lord to help me through this. It has taken a long time to get past hating him. Please don’t be shocked, but when someone continues to hurt you in ongoing, deliberate ways and has no remorse, it is very challenging to not hate the person. (Side note: I’m not talking ‘physical abuse.) I’m sure Christians who are in other parts of the world and in prison for their faith understand. I know Corrie Ten Boone had to ‘forgive and love her enemies’ in the concentration camp with her sister. Talk about tribulation. I am living with the enemy. I think persecution and martyrdom are at our door here in America. I say, “take me out, I want to go home.”

Do you have any counsel you could give me? I read on your site that you get a lot of questions, emails, etc. I understand, if you can’t get back to me.