I made a big mistake and had sex with my girlfriend. Can I be forgiven?
Question:
For the past few days, I am disturbed, greatly worried, and upset about my ruthless mistake of having sex with my girlfriend. I'm a believer in Christ and my girlfriend is not. She continues to work in the same office and on the same team where I work. She is a very good and nice girl. As a friend, we had always shared nice moments together and it eventually grew into a sexual relationship. I had sex with her knowingly, just for the pleasure. She did force me several times into having sex, and I was weak and gave up all my strict rules of avoiding sex. But now I repent and I honestly do not want to distance myself away from my dear Lord.
I've been worried and I really do not know if God can forgive me as I have done this knowingly. When I say knowingly, somewhere in my heart I had this feeling that this was not good and I'm making a big mistake, but I continued.
Please take a little time to help me go through this dirty situation and kindly show me any encouraging Scriptures. I would like to know
- How can I distance myself from her, be strong, and have God's Spirit and avoid such encounters in the future?
- Can God really forgive me?
- If I'm entitled to punishment, as I have done this knowingly, apart from the fact that I will lose blessings from God, if I was ever entitled to any blessings, will I have a part of or entry into the kingdom of God for I accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as my Savior?
- Can I undo this damage in my Christian journey?
I greatly appreciate your reply and prayers for my agony.
Answer:
You raised a number of good issues and hopefully, I'll be able to address most of them.
What you describe is a typical trap of Satan. You got to know a woman and became friends. Because of your friendship, you dropped your guard. "Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall" (I Corinthians 10:12). Like most men, you did not count on what happens when you get sexually aroused. It is easy to think you are going to remain pure when nothing, in particular, is happening, but once your sexual passion is inflamed your rational judgment flies out the window. And so you are left scolding yourself after the fact, but during the height of passion, you know you wanted the sexual intercourse badly.
All sins can be forgiven. The key point is that you have to want to change. Some people get so involved in sin that they have no desire to leave it. So long as they remain that way, they will die in their sins. But when a person is willing to change, then God is willing to forgive. "But if a wicked man turns from all his sins which he has committed, keeps all My statutes, and does what is lawful and right, he shall surely live; he shall not die. None of the transgressions which he has committed shall be remembered against him; because of the righteousness which he has done, he shall live. 'Do I have any pleasure at all that the wicked should die?' says the Lord GOD, 'and not that he should turn from his ways and live?'" (Ezekiel 18:21-23). That is why Peter said, "The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance" (II Peter 3:9).
The sin that you committed, having sex outside of marriage, is called fornication. There were members of the Corinthian church who had committed this sin in their past and were forgiven. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God" (I Corinthians 6:9-11).
This then leads to the next problem. While you have accepted Jesus as your Lord, you have swallowed a falsehood taught by many denominations. You haven't done all that Jesus has commanded you to do to become his follower. "If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him. He who does not love Me does not keep My words; and the word which you hear is not Mine but the Father's who sent Me" (John 14:23-24). Having Jesus in your heart is a result of obeying Jesus because you love him, not merely because you asked him to live with you. I want you to write down on a piece of paper all that you believe you have done to do what God has said you need to do in order to be saved. Next, I want you to get your Bible out. I have a whole lot of verses for you to read and consider. You can find them at "Things That Accompany Salvation." When you are done compare what you have done with what you now know the Lord requires. Those things that you are lacking I want you to fix immediately.
In regards to handling this situation, since your friend is not a Christian, I take it that she will not be interested in helping you live faithfully. You can't avoid being around her at work, but you don't have to be alone with her at your place, her place, or anywhere else. Rather than pushing to see how far you can resist and then beating yourself up because you failed, you already know that you don't think clearly when you get aroused. Therefore, avoid the situations which will lead to you getting aroused. Make it a rule for yourself that you will not be alone with a woman -- period. Don't make excuses for yourself. Accept that it is a weak area in your life and avoid the sin.
Likely this woman will not understand and will not like the restriction you place on yourself. If this ends the friendship, then so be it. Find a woman who will help be a follower of Christ, instead of one who pulls you after Satan.
