I keep getting involved in lewd behavior that I know is wrong
Question:
I need spiritual help, sir. I thank God for your life and ministry. Please, sir, I pray the Lord will use you to restore me to Himself permanently.
Sir, I became born again several years ago. I have been growing through discipleship but for about two years my life has been fluctuating. The instrument the Devil has been using is immorality with fellow believers. I noticed that am desiring to get married. I am in my thirties but no one has approached me to talk anymore. It is not that I am impaired, so my thought is that the devil is using this to get me into his dungeons. It is not that I have sex with them but because I just need someone around me. I then abuse it by having some immoral touching that has affected my growth. I am seriously having stunted growth because of this.
One thing I know is that the Lord has a great plan for me and that is why the devil doesn't want me to rise to it. I am seriously struggling with my Christian life. My quiet time is in shambles and my prayer life is doesn't exist. I am really in trouble. People around me see me as a correct sister but they don't know that I am not standing well. My past life is drawing me back. I am not a prostitute but a prostitute is better than me because I claim to be a Christian but what is seen in them is secretly seen in me. What a miserable life! Several times I have tried to live right but all to no avail. I keep falling and rising. When will I rise to the purpose that God has for my life?
Sir, I am writing these things with tears in my heart. I am not looking for a man who will pity me but rather a man who will help me come out of this mess and become a tangible instrument in God's hand. The truth is that I cannot fit in the world if I say let me go back. I know that God is in dire need of me, but I don't know how to respond to this. Recently, I have been having a dream where I am stark naked in the public showing that the presence of God has left me. I have no rest. I am managing to be happy but to no avail. Sir, please don't keep quiet over my case.
I have elders and brethren around me, but I am not comfortable going to them. They probably would not understand me and there would be a stigma attached to it.
Thank you, sir, and remain blessed.
Answer:
What I gathered from your note is that you have been involved in sexual touching of some sort with one or more men in the church you attend. Why you feel you must take full responsibility for something that is also involving other people is something I don't understand from your note. Obviously, sexual touching is wrong. I Corinthians 7:1 forbids it. Thus, the simple answer is don't get involved in sinful acts.
The second point that I noted is that you think far too highly of yourself. Yes, God can make use of any Christian, but the idea that He has "dire need" of you is false. God doesn't need anyone to accomplish His plans. God's purpose for your life is exactly the same as for every other person. You are expected to live obediently to His will. "He has shown you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?" (Micah 6:8).
