I have to wait until I get out of debt to get married


Dear Minister,

I have to wait four or five years before I can marry because of a strict financial government program to help me get out of debt. I have been engaged for a year now, and I have had intercourse since the day my fiance and I met. We are both Christians, but our intercourse didn't sit well with me, so I rededicated my life to Jesus. But now my fiancee most likely wants to break up because of my decision to stop the sex.

I don't know what to do! Should I just let him go if he wants to? I really don't want to go back to fornicating again, even though I have to wait for so long to marry.

Sometimes I think about how Jacob waited for 14 years to marry Rebecca, so I think it is possible for a man (if he truly loves a woman) to wait for a long time if he is willing.

I hope your answer will help!


God's way is always right, so we start with the basics. Having sex without being married is wrong (Hebrews 13:4), so therefore that is not an option for Christians. The recommendation by Paul is, "But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:9). Therefore, your options are:

  1. Get married soon.
  2. Get married later.
  3. Break off the engagement.

Your fiance has already indicated that option 2 is not viable for him. I know it sounds romantic, but the story of Jacob waiting seven years (not fourteen) to marry Rachel stands out because it is unusual. Most men don't have Jacob's character and most women are not like Rachel. Nor did they start out having sex and then try to stop for seven years.

Option 3 is something that you don't want, so we are left with figuring out a way that you can get married.

I don't know the laws in your country, but I did find out that there are two types of marriages: one where property and debts are shared and another where they shared on a limited basis. Most likely you can get married, it just means that it will be harder to get rid of your debt. But then it might become easier because you will have two people working toward the goal of getting out of debt. This is something you need to discuss with your fiance and then check what options you have to get married in the near future.


Dear Mr. Hamilton,

Thank You Very Much!

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