I got a girl pregnant. Have I ruined my career as a preacher?
Question:
I have been seeking counseling over an issue, but I realized that the counselor was euphemizing the ignominy of my action. Recently, my pastor advised me to consider marriage. Prior to giving me this advice, I messed up and impregnated a girl. I have been supporting her secretively, not wanting my pastor or even my parents to know! The fact is, I expressed a desire to serve God as a pastor. I'm a graduate, but I contemplated entering a theology school, but such a mess has wrecked my vocation.
Answer:
"Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me remove the speck from your eye'; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye" (Matthew 7:1-5).
The denominational pastor system is not taught in the Bible. See The Organization of the Church and Pastors and Preachers.
But this is really a distraction from the real issue. You've committed fornication and a pregnancy resulted. The foremost issue before you is getting right with God. Since you are a part of a denomination and most denominations do not teach God's plan of salvation from sin, I would like you to read through:
If you have not met God's requirements for salvation completely, then that needs to be remedied. If you have, then as a Christian the requirement for forgiveness is to repent of your sins. Repent is not just feeling sorry that you've sinned or that something bad resulted from your sin. Repentance is changing your mind about the sin so that you no longer think it is acceptable behavior and changing your behavior. "For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter" (II Corinthians 7:10-11). It is a change that is so radical that someone meeting you five years from now would have a hard time imagining that you were involved in fornication. The second step is to talk to God about your sin and ask for forgiveness. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (I John 1:9).
None of this removes your responsibility for the results of your sin. You will still have to help raise the child you brought into this world or see that he is properly adopted to a family who can care for him.
Independent of this responsibility is a consideration of the girl you had sex with. Is she a woman that you would like to be your wife for the rest of your life?
Until you straighten out the sins in your life, you will not be in a position to teach others about Christ and help them deal with their sins.
Question:
Thanks a lot. I realize my mistake and a grievous one too. I want to know whether marrying her will be preferable. She has a life that I am not so keen about. The person I knew during the few months we met is not the same person now. I am contemplating taking care of her and my baby, but exclude myself from marrying her. I envision hard moments with her in the future.
Answer:
There is no requirement to marry the person you sinned with, but it does illustrate why God said sex is supposed to only take place in marriage. You used a woman for your own personal pleasure.
Question:
So, if I cannot marry her, what should be my next step? Care for her and the child? Tell her I cannot marry her? I know the fruit of this sin has a rippling effect on me, but what more can I do? Am I condemned forever with such an immoral dent?
Answer:
All sins are forgivable, but the consequences of your sin can impact the rest of your life. If you are not planning to marry her, you need to tell her soon so she can be looking for a man who loves her.
Question:
Ephesian 2:5. So the child to be born is sinful itself because it's the consequence.
Answer:
Absolutely NOT! Where would you get such an idea? Certainly not from Ephesians 2:5, "even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved)." Children are innocent. It is not the child's fault that you sinned. "The soul who sins shall die. The son shall not bear the guilt of the father, nor the father bear the guilt of the son. The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself" (Ezekiel 18:20). In fact, that is a primary reason you are responsible for the life you created.
Question:
I quoted Ephesian 2:5 "Even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ..." because you said the consequence of my sin will live on! So, such an act, there is no forgiveness any longer. I just believe that I sinned, and the consequence is grave, but I just believe I am not doomed forever!
Answer:
If a murderer is forgiven, does that mean his victim comes back to life? Of course not. Does that mean the murder is unforgiven? Again, of course not!
You committed fornication. That can be forgiven, but the consequence of the fact that you got a girl pregnant won't be reversed. Like other former sinners, you have to live with the results of your past bad choice.
