I feel like I’m close to leaving the faith
For the past few months, I have been drifting away from God. Yesterday I actually was very close to leaving the faith. Yesterday, I was researching Matthew 24:34. I felt that this was finally a good reason to reject the Bible and live my life as an agnostic rather than as a Christian. Then I found out that genea can mean race as well, so I had absolutely no excuse to do that.
I'm not strong in my faith anymore. Right now I want to leave God and live as an agnostic even though I know Jesus is the truth.
The problem is that I don't feel strongly about sexual issues anymore. I used to be strongly against premarital sex and I still am, but I don't feel sad for those who engage in premarital sex. Moreover a lot of times I feel that compassion and empathy for gay people's conflict with the faith, even though I know that it doesn't. Living as a eunuch isn't a cursed test I feel that it is.
I don't see Christians as any better than non-Christians. In fact, I feel like the non-Christians don't need Jesus to have love empathy, and self-sacrifice. Whenever I try to speak about Jesus it feels so forced and, even worse, painful. I feel like when I try to be a Christian who is passionate about evangelism I no longer can tell them that Jesus brings peace because I have no peace in my heart, except when I distract myself with other things (YouTube, Facebook, etc.). It's like the time when I was miraculously convicted of my sin was just a dream and didn't really happen. I can hardly even remember that feeling anymore.
A lot of times, when I think about Christian things, I have an aching pain in my stomach and anxiousness to the point that I lose appetite and want to go to sleep so that I can forget about my problems. I just don't know anymore. I could go back and have fellowship; yet, I feel that close fellowship can even be felt by Muslims, Buddhists, and Hindus. I feel like anyone who believes that they go to heaven, even though they can't, would find peace because they believe in it. Moreover, that won't change my heart to turn against sin as it once did.
Lastly, I feel that all I have to base my faith upon is not peace, not joy in the Lord, but only historical evidence. Please pray for me.
Are you looking for answers to your doubts or are you searching to justify your growing disbelief? The former I help you with, but if you are determined to find some reason to leave the faith, most likely you'll eventually convince yourself that you found what you are looking for. "And for this reason God will send them strong delusion, that they should believe the lie, that they all may be condemned who did not believe the truth but had pleasure in unrighteousness" (II Thessalonians 2:11-12). When a person is set against the truth, he can't be persuaded by the truth.
Let's take your difficulty with Matthew 24:34. It is popular among many teachers to think that Matthew 24:1-35 is dealing with the second coming of Christ, but that doesn't match what Jesus said. The second coming is dealt with in Matthew 24:36-25:46, but the earlier part of Matthew 24 deals with Jesus' prediction of the destruction of Jerusalem. See:
I would argue that your doubts do not arise from what the Bible says, but from finding out that what you have been told by religious leaders does not match what the Bible actually says.
Regarding sexual sins, I'm not certain I follow you. Certain actions are called sinful by God because they intrinsically cause harm in some way. For example, fornication causes harm to the ability to form stable relationships. "Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body" (I Corinthians 6:18). There are several studies that note that people who live together without marriage usually separate within five years. Those who have had sex prior to marriage tend to divorce within ten years. It is only those who wait until after marriage to have sex who consistently have the longest marriages. It isn't a guarantee, but the trends are well marked.
Unlike the popular myth in our culture, homosexuality is not ingrained in a person. Prior to the recent fad, I found studies that showed a high percentage of young homosexuals becoming heterosexual later in life.
- "A new report in this month's issue of the peer-reviewed Journal of Human Sexuality finds that sexual orientation can be changed — and that psychological care for individuals with unwanted same-sex attractions is generally beneficial and that research has not found significant risk of harm" [New Study: Sexual Orientation Can Be Changed, by Gary Schneeberger].
- Higher Percentage of Homosexuals Among Young Adults Than Seniors: What Does This Mean?
Since homosexuality is a choice, it means that a person who has once practiced homosexuality does not have to be a eunuch to be a Christian. He has to leave his sin, but if he wants to marry a woman, there is no reason he can't. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God" (I Corinthians 6:9-11).
You are correct that Christians don't have a lock on good behavior, such as love and generosity. But do notice how few hospitals and charitable organizations are established by atheists and agnostics compared to Christians. While there is no lock, there is a distinct difference in the overall behavior of the two groups.
It appears that you became a Christian, not because you were convinced of the truth but because of a feeling. Feelings change constantly and are never a good guide. "He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but whoever walks wisely will be delivered" (Proverbs 28:26). Nowhere do you find the Holy Spirit convicts a person by a direct miracle. What you find consistently is that people were convicted by the teachings that the Holy Spirit delivered through the prophets and the apostles. "Nevertheless I tell you the truth. It is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you; but if I depart, I will send Him to you. And when He has come, He will convict the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment: of sin, because they do not believe in Me; of righteousness, because I go to My Father and you see Me no more; of judgment, because the ruler of this world is judged. I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now. However, when He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come" (John 16:7-13 NKJV). This is why Paul pointed out a simple truth: "So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God" (Romans 10:17). Notice: not by a miracle, not by a feeling, but by listening to what God said in the Bible.
Peace and joy are not what make people Christians. These are the result that comes from following the teachings of God. "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit" (Galatians 5:22-25). These aren't passing feelings but a solid change in attitude. Of course, if you don't walk after the Spirit's teachings, then logically you won't find the fruit it gives.