How do we save our relationship without having sex until marriage?

September 29, 2021

Question:

Hello there!

I recently came across your article about couples that have committed sexual sins before marriage and how they still worked out and still have room for hope.

My loved one and I are wanting to get married. We plan on getting married but with going to college, getting out of our debts, and being so busy that we only see each other a couple of hours a week or once a week, we struggle with sexual tensions. We know it's sinful and not right with God. We want to prosper in our relationship with God to bless us and to be happy for us, but we know that now that sex has been placed into our relationship. How can we make or save our relationship without having sex until marriage now? I'd love to understand how the couples you've previously talked to, how they worked it through together, and how they made it work until they got onto marriage. My heart is sad to lose someone I truly would love to marry, but I know I want to get right with God right now, but I don't know how to do it.

Answer:

God is clear that fornication is wrong. Your intentions to get married don't change the fact that you are not married. Thus, to repent of your sin you have two choices: you either stop having sex (changing your mind about the acceptability of having sex when you are not married and changing your behavior) or you get married so that sex is no longer an issue.

"But if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:9).

Just because you are attending college, it doesn't mean you can't get married. There are plenty of married couples attending college to prove that it is doable. Getting out of debt doesn't change whether you are single or married. In fact, it will be easier for the two of you to get out of debt working on the problem together as a married couple than individually. Plus, there are savings gained, such as only needing a single place to live, that will reduce your expenses. Being married also solves the problem of rarely seeing each other.

Like so many other people, you put up imaginary barriers and then pretend that sin has to happen instead of looking at how to do things God's way. God's way may take a bit more effort, it will involve some inconveniences, but in the long run you will be better off.

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