How do we keep our younger children from imitating their older rebelious sibling?
Question:
I wanted to write in with a quick update regarding "How do we deal with a rebellious teenage daughter?":
Our daughter was less than enthusiastic about this idea at first. We decided to make it a small group of teens, and she was mortified at the idea of us (gasp!) talking to her friends. So much so that we held the first several meetings at our house while she sat in her room, sulked, and refused to come out and join in.
After the first few meetings with just a couple of kids and their parents, word spread to other families, who started bringing their kids. She heard everyone, including some of her friends, having a good time together, and got drawn out by “fear of missing out.”
We worked through Growing Up in the 2020s (fantastic book, thank you for the recommendation). The sections on social media and abuse of illegal drugs were especially effective at grabbing the kids’ attention.
It has definitely helped get our daughter exposed to a new group of friends and in surrounding her with more positive influences to fall back on when faced with temptation.
There are still struggles, unlike anything we were anticipating, considering how mellow our daughter has been in the past. It’s entirely possible we just underestimated what the teen years would bring.
So, in addition to our update, a question: Are there any steps we can take to keep our younger children from going through this same phase? They adore their big sister and are definitely paying close attention to her behavior as the roadmap for how “big kids” and “cool kids” handle themselves. We don’t want to diminish their impression of her, but we also don’t want to see this cycle repeat if it can reasonably be avoided.
Thank you and happy holidays
Answer:
Every child is different. You'll find that some want to imitate their older siblings, while others decide they want a different outcome and choose a different route. Boys tend to have a rebellious stage, but it is more in action than in words. The greatest difficulty with them is getting them to think about the consequences of their actions. Overall, I've found teenage boys a bit easier to deal with than teenage girls.
A friend of mine recently released a few videos on raising children that contain excellent advice:
Scott also held a meeting here a few years ago on family issues. See The Family.
It sounds like you are making excellent progress. Stay consistent, and the storm will eventually blow over.
