How do we deal with a homosexual child?
Question:
Shalom brother Jeffrey,
We have a dilemma. Two of our children are gay with a partner. There are some situations that I foresee in which I fear sinning, and they are the following:
- Can they visit us in our home with their partner?
- Can they sleep under our roof?
- Could we travel as a family and spend time together, including their partners?
My daughter visited last night, and my husband was very short with her partner. He acted as if she was not in the room. He believes he is only obligated to treat his daughter well. I was nice, and I had a conversation with her. I have clearly told our daughter I will never accept her relationship, but I still treat them with respect. What can we do, and what can't we do? I've read as much as I could find on your posts on this part of the relationship but couldn't find an answer.
Is the visit of a sinner for dinner the same as receiving them under our roof for a few days as a visit? If my sister is a drunk but during our visit she is not drunk, is it okay to receive her? If, during their visit, they do not manifest their relationship, can they visit?
My heart is very afflicted. Please help me get out of the doubt. I do not know what to do.
Sincerely in Christ
Answer:
I'm assuming that since your children were brought up in your home, they had been Christians before abandoning their faith to pursue homosexuality. Paul said, "I wrote you in my letter not to associate with immoral people; I did not at all mean with the immoral people of this world, or with the covetous and swindlers, or with idolaters, for then you would have to go out of the world. But actually, I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler--not even to eat with such a one" (I Corinthians 5:9-11). The problem with having openly active sinners in your home is that you are telling them and the world that you accept what they are doing. You may not be comfortable with it, but you are willing to tolerate it.
The prodigal son "squandered his estate with loose living" (Luke 15:13). Yet, he did not do so while living in his father's home. He gave up his sinful life to come back home. In the same way, your children should know that they are welcome to come home when they are willing to live as Christians. As it currently stands, they have little motivation to change.
Yes, be polite. Make sure they are well and that you miss them, but don't invite their sin into your life. "If anyone comes to you and does not bring this teaching, do not receive him into your house, and do not give him a greeting; for the one who gives him a greeting participates in his evil deeds" (II John 10-11).
It appears that your husband understands this. It would be respectful to stop putting him in awkward situations where he has to decide between pleasing his wife and upholding his faith.
See also:
Response:
Dear brother,
I so very much appreciate you clarifying scripture for us. My heart certainly is in so much pain that it makes my stomach hurt. I know they will not talk to us anymore, and the pressure of the family to stand with Christ will definitely make us feel that we bear our cross and follow Him. So very painful.
You are in my prayers. I thank God for the ministry of evangelism at the congregation you attend. It is certainly a blessing to the world.
