How do I talk to my fiance about my sin?
Question:
Good day, pastor,
I hope you are doing well.
My fiancee and I have been engaged for almost three years now. There was a time when I was going on many business trips. During that period I met a lady and I developed feelings for her but I didn't tell her about them. She asked me whether I was engaged or not and told me how she liked me. I told her that I was sorry that couldn't be possible because I was engaged. I told her we could only be friends.
Later after a month, I fell into fornication with her. I felt miserable that day but I kept on falling for several weeks. Eventually, I went back to my original city. I felt so bad because I realized that I dishonored God and didn't keep my engagement with my fiancee. I repented and stopped talking to that lady. Even when I go to her city on a business trip, I avoid her as best as I can.
My question is how do I talk to my fiancee about my failure and ask her to forgive me? I know that I have really messed up and spoiled everything. I just want to get advice from you. This issue has been disturbing my peace for months because I don't know whether she will forgive me, and I don't want to lose her. At the same time, I can't hide this from her because if I hide it, the devil might one day use this issue against me. But if I tell her, I might end up losing her. The truth is that I am the one to blame because in both cases I'm wrong. So please advise me on what I should do.
Faithfully yours
Answer:
While I know you want to avoid the consequences of your sin, some things just have to be faced. Your fiancee believes she is marrying a virgin man who has been faithful to her. That is no longer true. She has to decide whether she will marry a man who gave into sexual temptation or not. I understand that you do not want to lose her, but that should have been on your mind before you dropped your pants. You made a choice back then. I am so glad that you repented of that sin. However, it is now time for your fiancee to make her choice.
There is no good way to approach this subject. You'll just have to find a quiet time when you can talk to her privately. She is going to be upset. She doesn't need to be embarrassed and upset in front of others. Stick to the facts, don't offer excuses, and let her know how horrible you feel and how you've changed.
If she decides that she will not marry a man she cannot trust, then you'll have to accept that this was the consequence of your sin. If she decides that you have repented and that you'll be faithful in marriage, then you can thank the Lord that you found a good woman.
Response:
Thank you so much for your advice.
Since that day, I just feel sorry about what I did, but as you mentioned I have to face the consequences of my sin.
Thank you, pastor. May God bless you abundantly.
